We’ve been talking about the lockout and collective bargaining agreement terms for so long that we’ve totally forgotten who signed with which team and who was traded where before the old CBA expired.
We here at Eyes On The Prize like to keep our readers as well-informed as possible, so I have put together a little summary of some off-season happenings that you may have forgotten about. Now you can be ready for training camps around the league.
- Mike Ribeiro was traded to the Capitals, which means Washington, D.C. will finally encounter something slimier than a politician.
- Marc-Andre Fleury thought he’d discovered the solution to his problems until someone told him “make-whole” didn’t mean he could board up his five-hole and glove side.
- Tim Erixon lol.
- The Philadelphia Flyers blueline currently consists of Andreas Lilja, Kimmo Timonen, and a half-eaten Wells Fargo Center novelty pretzel that Paul Holmgren acquired via offer sheet.
- I think he had to forfeit three packs of gum.
- The Detroit Red Wings blueline is now the first D-corps in history that would be improved by signing Chris Campoli.
- The Minnesota Wild spent less money on free agents this summer than Brent Seabrook spent on hair products.
- Has anyone asked Zach Parise and Ryan Suter why they’ve decided they don’t need to win any Stanley Cups before they retire?
- The Calgary Flames… forget it.
- I mean they gave him a five-year deal.
- AT FIVE-AND-A-QUARTER-MILLION-PER.
- Roberto Luongo is refusing to waive his no-trade clause unless Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun comes back the other way.
- Actually, he would like the entire Toronto Sun sports section to come back the other way.
- Sheldon Souray now plays for the Anaheim Ducks. That’s it, there’s no joke.
- Milan Lucic apparently spent the lockout in the 2011 Boston Red Sox clubhouse.
- The Columbus Blue Jackets just called Paul Holmgren about the half-eaten pretzel.
- I looked up the Blue Jackets roster after I typed that, and they seriously have nobody on it that I would trade for a half-eaten pretzel other than Jack Johnson.
- The Edmonton Oilers are wondering where Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is, because they are all apparently too young to remember what happens to Canadian hockey teams that don’t medal at the World Juniors.
- If Cam Barker really is getting invited to the Vancouver Canucks training camp, there is a 100 per cent chance the Canucks are just trolling Minnesota.
- Alexei Kovalev is rumoured to be getting a tryout with the Florida Panthers, because he really, really wants a chance to play in front of Canadiens fans again.
