As you’ve already been reminded 76863 times, the NHL regular season was supposed to start today. Instead, thanks to the lockout, the NHL has cancelled the first two weeks of the schedule, which leaves us Habs fans with at least six less games to watch. But just because the games aren’t being played doesn’t mean we can’t discuss them or “predict” how they would have gone. So here are some “previews” for our cancelled games:
- October 11: The Ottawa Senators at the Bell Centre. The Canadiens always get the stupidest home openers. All around the league, home openers are against a bitter rival, a team that draws a lot of fans, or a team with some sort of relevance. Here in Montreal, we get the likes of the Hurricanes, Flames, and Senators. We’re probably one year away from an exciting home opener featuring the Buffalo Sabres, everybody! I mean, the Habs don’t even have a fake rivalry with the Senators, man. Anyway, this particular game we’re missing would likely have been a righteous suckfest. Let’s all face it: Guillaume Latendresse was obviously going to score a hat trick against the Habs in their season opener at home. There was no way this game was going to go any other way.
- October 13: The Habs visiting the Toronto Maple Leafs in their home opener. See what I mean? Is it fair that the Leafs fans always get Montreal and we’re always stuck with “who, again?” Anyway, here’s what we’re missing: Awkward Maple Leafs introductions during which Dion Phaneuf awkwardly looks like he’s going to eat your children (that’s a smile, by the way), and the ACC crowd awkwardly singing our national anthem. The Habs would probably have won this game for absolutely no reason at all, after which we would have been smug jerks. Until the next five games in the series, which would be won by the Leafs because we’re Canadiens fans and that’s how this works.
- October 16 and 18: a home-and-home against the Boston Bruins. Losing this is criminally unfair. First the Bruins were going to come here and we were going to boo Zdeno Chara and then the Habs were going to go there where their fans were going to boo PK Subban. Fights were going to break out in the stands. The words ‘classy’ and ‘classless’ were going to be thrown everywhere. Jack Edwards would have found new ways to make Habs fans want to throw him in a swamp. The Habs would have won both these games, by the way.
- October 20: The Washington Capitals at the Bell Centre. So… anyone remember that Mike Ribeiro guy? Yup. Forget every kind of Alexander Ovechkin gong show this could have been. Mike Ribeiro, probably still smacking his lips from the meal he made out of the Bell Centre fans last season, was going to be back for seconds. As much as I enjoy the Capitals, and I do, this game is one I’m glad to go without. Any game with Mike Ribeiro in it is one I’m glad to go without.
- October 23: the Canadiens visiting the Minnesota Wild. The Habs were going to go to the place I like to refer to as NHL Lockout Ground Zero. Even with the additions of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter… I have a hard time being too bummed about missing this game. It was probably going to as boring as every other Habs-Wild game we remember, only without a PK Subban hat trick or a Devin Setoguchi faceplant.
The October 25 game against the Philadelphia Flyers hasn’t been cancelled yet, but when it is we’ll have to postpone the celebration of an important milestone: the gabazillionth Official Mention Of How The Montreal Canadiens Could Have Drafted Claude Giroux And Didn’t.
