Your NHL season checklist
The NHL season has finally begun, unfortunately with a loss. However even though we're a day late, we have a nice checklist for you to fill out so you can make sure you're prepared for the upcoming season.
You will need:
- 25 panic buttons. Make sure you get a good warranty.
- Ear plugs, in case you ever encounter an Ottawa Senators fan.
- Tin foil hats, if you belong to any fan base. Yes, I said any fan base.
- At least one fantasy hockey team, so you can think about it while your friend drones on about his or her fantasy hockey team.
- To make sure your Dark Mark is functional (Bruins and Leafs fans only).
- A GPS, for hockey road trips.
- A plan to go on hockey road trips, if you don't have one yet.
- P.K. Subban on your team (oh, sorry, not enough to go around).
- A P.K. Subban jersey, because you all want him on your team, don't lie.
- Playoff tickets, if you are a Detroit Red Wings fan.
- A Mute button the rest of us can press, if you are a Detroit Red Wings fan.
- A Go Away button the rest of us can press, if you are a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.
- Some new things to complain about, certain members of the hockey media.
- Bubble wrap, if you are Claude Giroux.
- A new team, if you are a Buffalo Sabres fan.
- An opinion on fighting in the NHL, because there aren't enough of those.
- EOTP's season previews, if you are a Habs fan.
- EOTP's Fancy Stat Summer School, if you're new to stats and need a primer.
- A Nintendo DS or maybe a Sudoku book, if you plan on going to (or from) the Canadian Tire Centre at any point this year.
- Or if you plan to watch any games in Florida, Nashville, Phoenix, or New Jersey.
- Sedatives, if you are a Vancouver Canucks fan.
- Sedatives, if you've ever met a Vancouver Canucks fan.
- Some new bad jokes about bad officiating.
- Maybe another 10 panic buttons.
- A goodbye note and maybe some headache medicine for the people you live with. You'll see them in June.