Canadiens vs Sharks Top Sex Minutes: An Erotic Thriller

I have to warn you all, the Sharks have broken me in so many ways that I have no feelings for them anymore. Even if they scored a goal tonight I don’t think my heart would have skipped a beat. I don’t care. It’s not you, it’s me.

Pregame:

• I wrote a little tid bit over at Battle of California about the game tonight, Habs fans on facebook seemed to take it pretty well/
• First of all, if you want to go golfing, you go to Arizona, everyone knows that
• lol*
• too*
• Is this a parody account?/

First Period:

• Michel Therrien hijacks a bus filled with school children
• Carey Price saves three elderly women from a burning building whilst making a left pad save/
• Brandon Gallagher has never looked so stiff
• I’m surprised that PK didn’t get the embellishment penalty
• Dude scores, I don’t care
• I’m going to have so much free time in a couple of weeks/

First Intermission:

• I pop by the EOTP facebook page again to check in on the comments for my gameday post../
• /scratches hypothetical nuts
• *mutes Don Cherry*/

Second Period:

• ZzzzzZzzzzZZZzzz
• Michel Therrien told Habs players on the bench that they aren’t allowed to spend the offseason with their families
• Logan Couture slides into Carey Price’s DMs

Second Intermission:

• Oh god, there’s another period left?/

Third Period:

#WillMattIrwinEverBePenalized

— Andrew Berkshire (@AndrewBerkshire) March 22, 2015

• Quick, what’s the number for 911? You guys know this, right?
• I had some really good Mexican food
• /long exasperated sigh
• I hate this fucking team but at least they will get eliminated before the last day of the season and put me out of my goddamn misery
• Hopefully Price doesn’t get injured in the postseason/

Conclusion:

• Hockey is dumb
• California has won the cup three times in the past 8 years
• Canada has won zero cups in the past 8 years
• California is superior to Canada in every way imaginable
• With that said, go Flames
• Michel Therrien is immortal and will be the Habs’ coach for the rest of eternity
• I’ll see you jerks in October, I’m going to the beach

Oh yeah, and…