Having Fun With Habs Names


Scrolling through an alphabetical list of the Canadiens all time roster, some names just jump out due to the characteristics of their unique verbiage.

I don't know why...maybe it is because we do not get to choose our own names, but sometimes it's just fun to have a laugh at them.

A pair of funny happening yesterday led me to this post. The first was a phone solicitor who bungled up mine, as they always tend to. Not everyone who sees that jumble of consonants gets it right phonetically. They see the "l-e-f-e-b-v-r-e" and guess they have to sound them all out. I often get "le fever" instead of "le fave". Today was the first time I ever heard "leafy beaver". The worst part was, I liked it. It sounded totally Canadian.

The other name I happened across also had a funny Canadian connotation. I was spaeking with an older lady when she asked my name and told me hers - Sharon Bacon. Coffee out my nose almost! Like, pass the breakfast!

Next thing I know, here I am going through the Habs list just as I did when I was a kid going through the phone book, seeking ammo for a crank call on some poor unsuspecting soul.

"Hello, may I speak to Mrs. Edna Buttersworth...."

Here's a couple of dozen Habs' names to have a giggle over:

Patrice Brisebois: Go figure! Last Habs player to ever use a wooden stick in an era where dozens of composite sticks snap like toothpicks every game. It's one thing I admired Breezer for.

Alex Smart: Smart enough to be the only Canadiens player to score a hat trick in his first game with the team. Apparently, he mustn't have been all that smart, his NHL career last a mere 9 games.


Sprague Cleghorn: One of the greatest hockey names of the game's early era. Opposing player's would usually make fun of Sprague's name exactly once. After he'd carve them new facial features, they'd never try the taunt again. Likely the meanest S.O.B. to ever lace on skates.

Bunny Dame: Given name was Aurella. Would this guy last a shift in today's NHL?

Jack Bownass: Too many obvious cracks here. Make your own!

Harry Mummery: A player from the Habs first decade. Used to be a volunteer fireman in Montreal who would rush to games immediately after his shift. Between periods, he would cook and eat steaks four inches thick, that were warmed in a pot belly stove in the dressing room. They don't make names like they used to!

Joe Carveth: He carveth thy sticketh in thou faceth.

Vincent Damphousse: Beautiful francophone name that becomes a swear word with the right syllabic emphasis.

Gerald Diduck: Shoulda been a cartoon strip! One of the worst Hab trades ever. Montreal gave up Craig Ludwig for this canard.

Gordie Drillon, Dick Duff, Jim Cummins Jean Pusie and Dick Gamble: Porn star names from a different era.

Guillaume Latendresse: My kid thought Guillaume was a guimauve, french for marshmallow. A tender marshmallow?

Curley Headley: If I said this guy looked like a total stooge, would you believe it? Real name was Fern.


Cecil Hoekstra: A con artist name if I ever heard one.

Vern Kaiser: Players with surnames that sound like food should always have given names like Vern, Fern or Iris.

Tom Kurvers: I swear to God there was a drug in the early 1980's called curvers. Don't ask me what it did.

Stanley Long: Played three playoff games with the Habs in 1952. Should have been a Maple Leaf for obvious reasons.

Vic Lynn: Nothing particulary unique about this name, but Lynn is the closest answer to the old hockey trivia question, "Who's the only player to suit up for all Original Six teams?" Aside from a few games with Montreal, Lynn was mainly a Maple Leaf. He also played with Detroit, Boston and Chicago. Lynn did dress and sit on the Rangers bench for one game, never to get a shift.


Eugene Payan: He sure was "payan", scoring 12 goals in 16 games in 1910-11. Eugene was the son of the mayor of Sainte Hyacinthe, and offered to play for Montreal for free. He was given a tryout and made the team. The club later paid him $800 bucks for a job well done.

Noel Price: Sounds like an expensive Christmas gift. Born on December 9th, actually. Played a vey subtle role in Canadiens history as Larry Robinson's defensive tutor in Nova Scotia in 1972.

Noel Picard: Actually born on Christmas day. This one time Habs farmhand went to the Blues in the late 1960's and went on to infamy as the player who tripped a soon to be airbound Bobby Orr in the 1970 Cup clinching goal.

Skinner Poulin: An original Hab from 1910. No word on whether he was a chicken farmer in the off season.

Bob Trapp: A Habs one gamer from 1933. Had a son named Harry that was drafted by the Devils. Just kidding.

Zarley Zalapski: His parents evidentally had some sense of humour. I wasn't laughing when the Habs traded Valeri Bure for this dud.

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