Canadiens vs Sabres Top Six Minutes: PEANUT BUTTER AND JAAAAAAM

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

The Montreal Canadiens could win every remaining game to finish the year, and still miss the playoffs. It has been a very sad season, one that has seen them go from being considered legitimate Stanley Cup contenders to a lottery team. Truly, worst case Ontario.

Oh yeah, we’re going in that direction again tonight. Quintenessally, this game a battle of two tanks, so might as well make fun of it regardless of the result. Neither team is going to make the playoffs, so there are two fan bases watching tonight that have a long summer ahead of them. Best figure out something to do with all that time…

First period

• Definitely not ready for this Pompeiian shit catastrophe I’m about to watch. Can we forfeit to close that gap in the race for last place?
• I love all creatures like gophers and deerts, and those things that fly and everything else, but fuck Evander Kane. I got no time for him.
• He’s actually really good and I’d like him to wear the other team’s jersey, but you get what I’m trying to do here.
• “You know, your thoughts might be better than mine, but I have thoughts going around in my head too about different thinkings and brain things that you can use… And doing different things…” – Michel Therrien, probably.
• “I need a joint.” – Marc Bergevin, probably.
• “Ease up on the six-paper Joints, Marc” – Geoff Molson, probably.
• “I’m getting drunk tonight, bud… Big time.” Every Habs fan, probably.
• Zach Bogosian is a god damned dirty mustard tiger. I hope his goal doesn’t count.
• Smokes, let’s go refs!
• That’s over the crossbar, but apparently it’s inconclusive, so it’s a goal…
• 
• Evander Kane trying to fight Tomas Plekanec…
• Hey Kane, make like a tree and fuck off.

Second period

• Not even a minute in and Greg Pateryn ties the game with a rocket for his first career goal. Can I get a bam?
• 
• And then he gets a penalty right afterwards hahahahahaha. Worst. Case. Ontario.
• This game is starting to get more and more chippy.
• How much you want to bet that this devolves into a donnybrook?
• 
• I’ve met cats and dogs that are smarter puck handlers out of their nets than Ben Scrivens. Most cats and dogs are probably smarter puck handlers.
• Seriously ben, stay in your net. When you leave it’s like venturing into the shit abyss. Doesn’t end well.
• Carlo Colaiacovo cross-checks Mike Brown in the face, but Brown ends up with the double minor and colonoscopy or whatever his name is gets nothing.
• Hey Carlo, make like a tree… You know the rest.
• THE DONNYBROOK IS ON? IS IT ON???
• Robin Lehner just turned down Ben Scrivens for a fight. Robin Lehner is a big dude. This is crazy.
• Canadiens get the powerplay out of the kerfuffle. Deeeeeecent
• Andrei Markov takes the damn lead with two seconds left. Can I please get a bam?
• 
• I don’t really want this to devolve any more than it has, but who honestly doesn’t want to see a goalie fight? Stay tuned. We might.

Third period

• I feel like every Habs player wants to fight every Sabres player, and vice versa.
• 
• Hopefully everyone keeps their pants on though. Randy always takes his pants of when he fights. He’s sweaty and it’s gross.
• Point and case…
• 
• That’s gross, I know, but you all really needed to know.
• Evander Kane is the stupidest fuck giraffe in the dumdum salad.
• HAHAHA that’s three profanities directed at Kane now. I’m real nice eh?
• Marcus Foligno is also a god damned mustard tiger.
• Are we really going to overtime? I need a little drinky poo. For courage.
• The fans all want to see a win, but a win gets the team further from the high picks. Catch 23 situation.

Overtime

EOTP 3 Stars of the night

3) Well it definitely wasn’t a barn burner.

2) Piss jug yellow. Deal with it.

1) Stupid Patelleryn taking penalties.

Highlights

• Greg Pateryn is the liquor
• Andrei Markov is the microphone assassin
• Paul Byron scores the overtime winner
  /

Follow @DrakeMT