Hello Readers,
Welcome to EOTP’s newest series; Gally’s Grin. Your definitive weekly preview for your beloved Montreal Canadiens. Here in Gally’s Grin we will be giving you an in depth preview on the games at hand for the coming week. It’s really the only weekly preview you’ll ever need (LEGAL DISCLAIMER: on top of the other previews associated with EOTP).
Anchors aweigh!
March 3rd 2014: Game 63
Opposing team: Los Angeles Kings
Opposition’s Record as of start of week: 34-22-6, 74 points. (The Habs have more haha losers)
Best player: Anze Kopitar, AKA the pride of Slovenia in hockey and their national sport of Ox Throwing.
Starting goalie: Jonathan Quick, who singlehandedly lost the USA all the momentum TJ Oshie created for getting mass America to care about Hockey again.
Wildcard: Andrei Markov, who might already be on the Kings.
Fun fact about the team: They lost to the Montreal Canadiens in the 1993 Stanley Cup Finals even though they had the best player of all time on their roster. It wasn’t even close.
Fun fact about the city: Los Angeles doesn’t have an NFL team because Kobe Bryant has a “Must be the biggest story in town” clause in his contract.
Habs will win if: They’re able to shake off the distraction caused by all the C level celebrities at the Staples Center.
Habs will lose if: Martin Jones starts.
Highlight of the night: Mike Richards kisses PK Subban’s feet.
Predicted tweets of the night:
@LAKingsfan: The Kings are so much better than the Canadiens because of the cup we won 2 years ago
@HUGELAKingsfan: DOUGHTYDOUGHTYSOUGHTYNWOINDSASLURIWHRQWAFDSAS
@Douche3rdpartyfan: I can see now why Doughty played way more than Subban at the Olympics
@HellIsOtherHabsFans: The Habs should trade for Dustin Brown he has character.
March 5th 2014: Game 64
Opposing team: Anaheim Ducks
Opposition’s Record as of start of week: 43-14-5, 91 points. (Holy shit, really? Damn)
Starting Goalie: Greg Goldberg, who is rounding out at an even 300lbs after his latest stop at In-N-Out
Wildcard: Julie “The Cat” Gaffney. Why does she never start?
Fun fact about the team: They will never shake Mighty Ducks jokes ever.
Fun fact about the city: The official name of Anaheim is “The Anaheim City of Los Angeles California of Orange County California of the United States of America”
Habs will win if: They can get Teemu Selanne to look at his damn portrait.
Habs will lose if: Ryan Getzlaf scalps Max Pacioretty for his thick and luscious hair.
Highlight of the night: Saku Koivu takes off his jersey mid game to reveal a Habs jersey and goes on to score a hat trick and then calls me directly and tells me I’m his best friend.
Predicted tweets of the night:
@EveryHabsFan: DAMN YOU BOB GAINEY AND PIERRE GAUTHIER I HOPE YOU BOTH GET PINK EYE AND THEN HANGNAILS ON EVERY FINGER.
@DucksMSM: Saku Koivu used to play for the Montreal Canadiens
@HellIsOtherHabsFans: The Canadiens should trade Lars Eller for Saku Koivu
@ObviousJokeFan: Hey did Penner eat pancakes today?
@me: God damnit Mathieu Perreault every damn time we play him.
March 6th 2014: Game 65
Opposing team: Phoenix (Arizona) Coyotes
Opposition’s Record as of start of week: 27-23-11, 65 points. (1 point out of a playoff spot I’m not joking look it up)
Best Player: Keith Yandle, who isn’t even good enough to make the US Olympic team.
Starting Goalie: Mike Smith, who is widely regarding as the league’s most noble, honest and sportmanlike playahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAahahahahahaha…….hahahahaha…aaahahahahahahaha. Hooo..hahahaha. He’s an ass on the ice.
Wildcard: Mike Ribeiro, but only if he took a trip to the bathroom before the game.
Fun fact about the team: They still play in Arizona. Good for them!
Fun fact about the city: They have a Hockey team called the Phoenix Coyotes.
Habs will win if: They feed off the energy of their home crowd.
Habs will lose if: The Coyotes feed off the energy of their home crowd.
Highlight of the night: Rob Klinkhammer and Lauri Korpikoski accidentally put on each others jerseys.
Predicted tweets of the night:
@jeffhalpern Please take me back again…it’s so hot here!
@CoyotesFanWhoWantsYouToKnowThatThereAreCoyotesFans ARROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! ARROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
March 8th 2014: Game 66
Opposing team: San Jose Sharks
Opposition’s Record as of start of week: 39-17-6, 84 Points
Best Player: Joe Pavelski, who made the unfortunate error of making the Toronto Maple Leafs world aware of his existence.
Starting Goalie: Antti “I already have a cup so, whatever” Niemi
Wildcard: Raffi Torres. I am legitimately scared that he is going to kill someone.
Fun fact about the team: The San Jose Sharks have not won the Stanley Cup since the dawn of time.
Fun fact about the city: San Jose, who the city is named after, was a massive LA Kings fan.
Habs will win if: They can stop throwing up because of all that teal.
Habs will lose if: Brent Burns eats Carey Price.
Highlight of the night: Logan Couture’s teeth finally escape from their prison.
Predicted tweets of the night:
@SJSMSMMember: The Montreal Canadiens are the oldest franchise in Hockey. They also have 24 Stanley Cups. They are also from Montreal
@EveryHabsFan: I hope Thornton scores 4 goals!!!!!111!!!!
@HilariousHabsTweeter: Mike Brown and George Parros‘ moustaches just engaged in fisticuffs
