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Canadiens vs. Kraken Top Six Minutes: Seat down, be humble

The Habs get another hockey lesson, this time by the league’s newest franchise.

Seattle Kraken v Montreal Canadiens Photo by Minas Panagiotakis/Getty Images

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

Pre-Game

  • How about winning another one, shall we?
  • Will Joel Armia reach 40 goals this season?

First Period

  • Kraken immediately start bombarding Samwise Montembeault.
  • They also score first. Who’s Eeli Elvanen’s little brother? Why, it’s Eeli Tolvanen of course. At least in Swedish.
  • David Savard is tired and decides to take a two minute cooling break in the penalty box.
  • Chris Wideman says: “I’ll have what he had” and goes to replace Savard in the box of sins.
  • The world’s best hockey player from The Netherlands (Amsterdam) scores on the power play to make it 0-2.
  • His name, you ask? Sprong. Dan Sprong.
  • Vince Dunn makes it trois for le Kraken.
  • And there is absolutely no sign that the Canadiens will turn anything around this evening.
  • A 60 minute road to what Chris Rea would deem “hell”.
  • Juraj Slafkovsky gets a 1-v-1 date with the Kraken goalie Martin Jones, but it’s the latter who wins the in-game matchup.

Second Period

  • The Montreal power play is so boring that it can put dead people to sleep.
  • If I was a player, I would feel seriously embarrassed about not being able to create any sort of pressure against a Kraken penalty kill ranking among the worst in league history.
  • Slafkovsky has had some decent looks in this game though.
  • 30-13 in shots on net after 38 played minutes.
  • Tells you a bit about how this particular game is looking.
  • Double minor on Josh “Chisel Face” Anderson, trying to use his stick for evil wizardry.
  • This ain’t no technological breakdown, oh no, this is the road to hell.

Third Period

  • Hey, the Habs survived the double minor!
  • But they still can’t score to save their lives.
  • Is it time to blame the baby blue jerseys again?
  • Imagine losing to a team named after a Covid strain. Hockey life can’t get any blacker.
  • Oh wait, yes it can. It could be last season.
  • Evans fights Donato following an Armia hit.
  • It does not spark the team.
  • Matty Beniers hangs number four in an empty net with the odd minute remaining.
  • This ain’t no upwardly mobile freeway. Oh no, this is the road...
  • This is the road...
  • This is the road to...
  • Bedard?!

EOTP 3 Stars

3) He was in his bag, as the kids say

2) Gehen Habs gehen

1) Defence is as defence does, or something