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Canadiens @ Lightning Top Six Minutes: Shea Weber tried to kill a man

Other than that, nothing happened. The Habs lost to the Lightning and water is wet.

Montreal Canadiens v Tampa Bay Lightning Photo by Scott Audette /NHLI via Getty Images

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

As of this writing, not only was Karl Alzner taking practice as a forward today, he was skating in the spot of one Brendan Gallagher on the top line for the Montreal Canadiens. Now they’re in warm-ups, and by god, he’s still there.

Ladies and gentlemen, today just may be the debut of Karl Alzner: number one right winger.

Hold on to your asses.

First Period

  • Oh Tomas Tatar is also not playing in case you were unaware. This could get extremely ugly against the Lightning of all teams.
  • Yep, took less than a minute. Victor Hedman makes it 1-0.
  • I wonder if Carey Price let that in on purpose, ya know? Convince the Lighting it will be easier than normal and maybe they don’t try as hard.
  • Zach Bogosian just took a stupid penalty. Bet the Lightning are super glad they picked him up, eh?
  • Habs did nothing but just wait until he does that against a real team in the playoffs.
  • Aaaand 2-0 thanks to Alex Killorn. I told you to hold on to your asses...
  • Price Just had to cover up a puck with only one Tampa player in the zone because his defence was just bobbling the puck around kinda close to him.
  • This is like watching a college team play against Team Canada at times.
  • I highly doubt we’re going to get a miracle on ice, however.

Second Period

  • Nothing happened for six entire minutes. That has to be a win for the Habs there.
  • Jeff Petry just got hit from behind while a ref literally stared at it. No call. As if Tampa needs help in the form of the officials letting them get away with bullshit.
  • Weak shots from the point are effectively corsi events, right?
  • I sincerely doubt that Brett Kulak is going to beat Andrei Vasilevskiy with a floater from the boards, however.
  • That being said, it would be great if he did.
  • That was a sweet trick Kulak just did where he stopped a puck inside the blue line then took it out of the offensive zone for absolutely zero reason during the longest period of sustained pressure the Habs have had all fucking game.
  • I’m clearly getting legitimately angry at this point.
  • Hey, a power play. So the refs do know that they’re allowed to penalize Tampa for things that are against the rules of hockey. Progress!!
  • And since the Habs did nothing with it, they can rest assured that they can do their jobs properly without costing the Lightning anything.
  • The Habs are actually outshooting the Lightning now. Interesting.
  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. As if that matters. 3-0. Nikita Kucherov.
  • Do we have to play a third period?

Third Period

  • Mikhail Sergachev almost didn’t get to play a third period, because he fought Shea Weber at the end of the first. Weber missed on a punch thrown with what I can only assume was intent to remove the young Russian’s head from his shoulders.
  • Kudos to Sergachev though, that took balls.
  • Oh and somehow Ben Chiarot got an extra deuce for roughing so there’s a Tampa power play here. As if they needed it.
  • I’d rather listen to Nickelback’s entire discography than have another season like this one for the Habs next year.
  • Nobody’s getting fired though, so apparently Geoff Molson doesn’t give a shit.
  • Or he’s a big Nickelback fan.
  • He for sure likes Nickelback.
  • 4-0 Tampa. Victor Hedman again.
  • I bet he likes Nickelback too. Or whatever the Swedish equivalent of Nickelback is.
  • Bjork? Is Bjork swedish?
  • Who cares. Habs lose, let’s get the lottery bribes going y’all.

EOTP 3 Stars

3) Amen.

2) Considering that Weber tried to remove his head, I do believe this is spot on.

1) Ah, under construction. A state that the people of Montreal know all too well, so why shouldn’t the hockey team take part?