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Canadiens @ Capitals Top Six Minutes: No one will remember 699

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The Canadiens won a game they probably didn’t need. Alexander Ovechkin didn’t score number 700. That is all.

Montreal Canadiens v Washington Capitals Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

So, Alexander Ovechkin is probably going to get his 700th goal tonight against the Montreal Canadiens. Seven hundred. Sept-cents. Tabarnouche.

Joe Thornton once talked about how four goals would be enough for him to expose his penis and... Do other things with it. I wonder what 700 goals should warrant.

The Capitals organization presumably would like for Mr. Ovechkin to steer clear of anything like that. Let’s see what happens though.

First Period

  • Artturi Lehkonen is a healthy scratch. I don’t like that at all. Sure as god’s got sandals Mr. Bergevin is going to trade a guy I like. Trade other people, please.
  • Well Garnet Hathaway just murdered Xavier Ouellet. Poor guy is just on the wrong team to be getting a shot at the NHL right now.
  • Max Domi and Paul Byron have both had breakaways in the first period. Neither of them scored. I like to think they didn’t score on purpose, you know, r
  • Wellll there’s number 699 for Ovechkin.
  • NICE.
  • The Capitals chose Ovechkin first in the 2004 draft. Montreal picked Kyle Chipchura at 18th. There’s no point to what I’m saying but maybe if I tweet sick observations like this I could get hired by a local newspaper.
  • A Capitals power play. Here comes 700...
  • Maybe not. But Jonathan Drouin missed a wide open net on a wrap around right after his penalty. He, too, is for the tank.
  • Shea Weber apparently didn’t get the fucking memo. Calm down, Shea. We get it, your shot is nice. Rest your shoulders for next year, bud.
  • 1-1 after one. The watch for 700 continues.

Second Period

  • Tomas Tatar just also missed a wide open net. For the tank. Can’t really hurt his value at this point anyways.
  • Read ‘for the tank’ like the Night’s watch members said ‘for the watch’ as they plunged their knives into Jon Snow’s heart.
  • If I just spoiled Game of Thrones for you then that is 100% your fault for not already knowing what happens. The last season sucks, by the way.
  • Nate Thompson just missed an open net too. Since he’s supposed to score for the tank so he can be traded, that’s no bueno. We’re trying to own the second round in June here, Nate, get in line.
  • Xavier Ouellet, by the way, is done for the night.
  • Do... Do we want Karl Alzner?
  • Imagine Alzner came up and scored a couple on Saturday against the Senators, then earns himself a shot with a playoff team. If he won a cup they’d make a movie about it.
  • Lars Eller scores against the Habs. This is why you don’t trade Lehkonen. 2-1. For the tank.
  • Or 2-2 because Brendan Gallagher is too good to be for the tank.
  • That’s 20 goals for Gallagher now. Despite missing time, the man may still get 30. He is also on the no-trade list.

Third Period

  • Well Ben Chiarot is also apparently not on board with the god damned program. 3-2 Habs
  • At this point I want 700 for Ovechkin if only for the tank.
  • Toronto is winning tonight anyways, so even for those in camp miracle, you have to admit it’s better to not earn points.
  • We don’t actually want to win this game, why are the Habs playing like they do in the final period?
  • If they do win this game, they will take the season series with the playoffs bound, cup favourite Capitals, whereas they went 0-4 against the worst team in the league.
  • If you can beat the Capitals but the Red Wings are your kryptonite, you have legitimate issues.
  • Carey Price has made another great save. HE IS KILLING THE TANK. Call up Keith Kinkaid, lord knows he couldn’t stop these pucks.
  • EMPTY NET AND OVECHKIN IS GOING FOR IT.
  • HE’S GOING FOR IT.
  • But... Tom Wilson scores? What the fuck is this season. They can’t even lose in a way that allows for a major milestone to occur.
  • But wait, there’s overtime...

Overtime

  • Ovechkin just came close to getting in the slot.
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. Ben Chiarot ends the game. No 700. No tank moves. Game over.

EOTP 3 Stars

3) That’s the main reason for not firing Bergevin. Because if Yzerman says no, then Bergy beats the crap out of him.

2) I don’t accept your perfectly acceptable logic, because I don’t have to.

3) Well, life support is always temporary. One way or the other.