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Canadiens @ Penguins Top Six Minutes: Happy ValenTANK’s Day

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The Canadiens made sure to give their fans the gift of losing on valentine’s day.

Montreal Canadiens v Pittsburgh Penguins Photo by Joe Sargent/NHLI via Getty Images

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

RDS showed an amazing flashback before the game. Early in Sidney Crosby’s career with the Penguins, he was in a chippy affair against the Atlanta Thrashers, who just so happened to have a certain Ilya Kovalchuk on their roster. Young Kovy had gotten young Crosby with a questionable hit and they were chirping each other hard.

Crosby eventually took a slashing penalty in his anger, and Kovalchuk scored with a clapper from the point on the power play. He celebrated this goal with a salute to angry young Crosby, still in the box.

But you can’t be fond of living in the past, because if you are then there’s no way that you’re gonna last. Gord Downie was a poet, man. Rate my effort below.

Roses are red, but I really don’t care

I could die happy, if we draft Lafrenière

First Period

  • Jeff Petry gives away the puck in his own zone a minute in. He just doesn’t want to get traded so he’s trying to make sure the Penguins think he sucks. Jedi mind trick.
  • He is not the defenseman you are looking for.
  • Essential dominance by the Penguins but they can’t hit the net. I think they should trade for Kovalchuk to reunite him with his good buddy Crosby.
  • We’ll take a first and Nathan Légaré. Can’t miss opportunity for the Pens. Good deal.
  • Nick Suzuki attempted — and nearly completed — a pass from behind the net, over it,and into the slot. Are we allowed to offer him a 17-year contract? No?? Why not???
  • See now Jeff Petry throws a gorgeous hit during a one-on-one. That’s not it, Jeff... These guys might want you now.
  • Look at the playoff beard on Petry, too. Maybe he does want a trade because it almost definitely ain’t happening in Montreal.
  • 0-0 After one. I’d like some goals, please.

Second Period

  • Carey Price is still really good. The Habs obviously won the 2005 draft because for all his rings, I do not believe that Mr. Crosby has ever won a Vezina. What a scrub.
  • Kovalchuk just took a slashing penalty. I assume Crosby is going to score and then salute him in the box...
  • Sike. Kris Letang actually scored it. That was Kovalchuk’s first penalty as a hab, and of course it hurt. 1-0 Pens.
  • And back to the penalty kill. This should be good for the tank effort...
  • Joel Armia gets a shorthanded breakaway and misses the net. You’re not supposed to expect goals on the kill, but I very much expected that one.
  • A Habs power play... Becuase those have been so fruitful of late.
  • It wasn’t. And Crosby gifts a goal to Jason Zucker almost immediately after it ends. 2-0 and the tank is full steam ahead at this point, folks.
  • But wait, there’s another Habs power play coming...
  • Tomas Tatar is ruining the tank effort here. Or increasing his trade value. I don’t know.
  • Hahahahahahaha. 3-1 Penguins. Definitely didn’t slow down the tank there Tuna.

Third Period

  • If you’ve been to Montreal you’ve seen all the construction, and how there’s always five dudes hanging around while one guy does stuff. That’s probably how Carey Price feels tonight.
  • Ben Chiarot, to my eye, has been one of the best Habs on the ice tonight. That’s not a good thing.
  • Tatar has been the best, which is funny considering the Penguins allegedly wanted to trade for him at one point.
  • Lol... Tatar is going to the box now. As if the Penguins needed a power play.
  • As if they even need to win this game...
  • The Habs don’t either, apparently. So they won’t. And the tank rolls on.
  • Happy Valentank’s day, everyone.

EOTP 3 Stars

3) Without our readers, we would be doing the internet equivalent of talking to a wall. We appreciate all of you sticking with us through this shit.

2) Zucked. The whole game Zucked, really. Zucked hard.

1) It’s actually No Habs No, but to each their own.