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Canadiens @ Blue Jackets Top Six Minutes: Well that sucked

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The Canadiens travelled to Columbus. They should have won. They did not.

Montreal Canadiens v Columbus Blue Jackets Photo by Jamie Sabau/NHLI via Getty Images

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

Thanks almost entirely to the refs, last game against the Devils was one of the worst games of Canadiens hockey I have ever witnessed. The last season of Game of Thrones was executed better than that game. Anchorman 2 — one of the worst sequels ever — was more entertaining than that game.

I would rather walk barefoot down a long hallway with the floor covered wall-to-wall in legos than watch that game again. But it seems the Habs only tend to have games like that against teams at or near the bottom of the standings, which is good, right?

Oh... They’re playing the Blue Jackets tonight...

First period

  • Less than 10 seconds into the game and Brendan Gallagher has a scoring chance. Progress!
  • Less than two minutes into the game and Columbus has scored. Fuck progress, right?
  • That’s the same Eric Robinson who scored his first ever goal against Carey Price the last time these teams played. It’s also only the second ever goal of his career. I don’t like him, and I can already tell I’m not ever going to like him.
  • Why do the Habs insist on playing like garbage against basement-dwellers? Is this a ploy to get the elite teams to underestimate them?
  • Let’s pretend that’s true.
  • Gallagher, Tomas Tatar, and Phillip Danault are clearly out to make sure that at least their line is considered far superior than the basement-dwellers.
  • ARTTURI LEHKONEN SCORED?!?!?
  • 1-1 and boy did he come out of nowhere. Danault was looking for Gallagher out front, he didn’t even know Lehkonen was going to be there.
  • Artturi Lehkonen, probably.

Second period

  • Pierre-Luc Dubois is pretty good. I wonder if Columbus would like to trade him.
  • That’s probably a hard no. BUT, can I interest you in a slightly used, fair condition Karl Alzner, Columbus?
  • Ben Chiarot... Scores? From one of the worst possible angles in the history of hockey and geometry?
  • Actually that was tipped by Joel Armia out front. Joonas Korpisalo needs to learn how to hug his post a little better.
  • That’s two Finnish scorers tonight. One more and we will have what is known in Finland as Hyppytyynytyydytys
  • That is actually a word in Finnish, and it means “bouncy cushion satisfaction.”
  • Chiarot giveth, and he taketh away. Kicks the puck to the aforementioned Dubois in the slot. What is the Finnish term for bouncy cushion dissatisfaction?
  • Google says Pomppiva tyyny tyytymättömyyttä in case you really wanted to know.
  • I speak two languages, but based on my google searches tonight it would take me two lifetimes to learn Finnish. Dear lord it seems difficult.
  • Armia almost had one on the power play, and now he has deprived me of Hyppytyynytyydytys. Persereikä.
  • The second one means asshole.

Third period

  • 2-2 game into the third against one of the worst teams in the conference. Maybe if the Habs just pretended this was the Bruins or Capitals for 20 minutes...
  • Did that seriously just go in the net?
  • Columbus shouldn’t even be sniffing a lead in this game, and somehow they get a bounce off the glass, 20 feet in the air, and it’s off Carey Price and in.
  • If they want a shot at Alexis Lafreniere they should probably just let the Habs score. At least twice.
  • Max Domi gets called for skating past a Columbus player. Columbus scores. I hate everything.
  • Hey look, there’s the makeup phantom call from the refs!! Let’s see if the Habs can come back to within one.
  • Nope.
  • And of course the power play guys can’t get back properly on defense. now it’s 5-2, and I hate more than everything.
  • Better shake this one off quick, because they have another basement dweller in the Ottawa Senators to deal with tomorrow at home.
  • Hitto vieköön
  • That means goddamnit.

EOTP 3 Stars

It really was.