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A Bitter Bandwagoner Habs Fan's TSM: EVERYTHING is Happening

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Washington salvages an absolutely wild game three, and the Monarchs best Brampton.

NHL: Stanley Cup Playoffs-Washington Capitals at Pittsburgh Penguins Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sports

The Habs are gone, so that means the Bitter Bandwagoner Habs fan has returned. That means I’ll be writing TSMs for whichever games I happen to watch. Tonight’s matches Caps/Pens, and Beast/Monarchs!

Pittsburgh Penguins vs Washington Capitals

First Period

  • Good lord. not even 30 seconds in, and already Pens fans are jeering Holtby.
  • Um...Ovi had two assists in the last game alone...not sure what you mean, Mr. Colour Man that Ovi needs to do more. HITS ARE NOT EVERYTHING. SAY IT WITH ME.
  • Awwww, MAF doing cartwheels in his gear. That is both adorable, and impressive.
  • ...I SWEAR TO GOD. IF YOU BROKE SIDNEY CROSBY.
  • Please don’t let it be a concussion, please don’t let it be a concussion, please don’t let it be a concussion...
  • Oh god his head. Oh god his knee. Everything about this is awful.
  • And now Wilson shoves Malkin into MAF. And somehow Malkin gets the penalty. This is going great, guys.
  • MAF.
  • OH. MY. That was some TERRIFIC goaltending by committee from the Caps there.
  • ALL OF THE PENALTIES IN THIS GAME.
  • BACKSTROM. Washington strikes first!!
  • Oh lord Larry...

Second Period

  • OH MY.
  • That should be goaltender interference, no??
  • Also...isn’t the net off it’s moorings???
  • So it was ruled a good goal, and then a bad goal and then oh my god this league.
  • It was the right call. But still. Wow.
  • OH MY GOD HOW DID THAT NOT GO IN.
  • Oh lord. The Penguins are going to have no one left on their roster by the time this series is over. On the other hand...lololol Hornqvist tried to get Larry, and failed spectacularly.
  • Holtby is having a MUCH better game tonight than he has in the past couple.
  • STOP BREAKING PLAYERS. I DON’T CARE WHICH TEAM THEY’RE ON. JUST STOP.
  • Larry with a very pretty shift short-handed!
  • Exactly no one is surprised.
  • Good gracious, Kuzy, what was THAT?
  • Marc. Andre. Fleury. Also, WOW Hornqvist!!
  • The goalies are REALLY playing well today.

Third Period

  • Caps down Niskanen, Pens down Crosby and Sheary
  • Oh Olli...don’t do that. That’s very not good.
  • Good lord, MAF.
  • This game is getting absolutely out of hand.
  • Oh man. Kuzy just outwaited MAF, and MAF still almost got his glove on it.
  • OH.
  • MY.
  • GOD.
  • Kess to Geno. That was gorgeous.
  • IT’S TIED. BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING. TWO GOALS IN LESS THAN A MINUTE.
  • Caps fans, I’m so sorry. I jinxed Holtby’s shut out. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

OT

  • I have to leave in less than half an hour. Please don’t go too long...
  • Washington power play!!
  • SHATTENKIRK. OH MY GOD WASHINGTON WINS.
  • 3-2 Washington!!!!

Brampton Beast @ Manchester Monarchs

With the series tied 1-1, the Beast travel to Manchester in hopes of going up 2-1 in the series in enemy territory.

First Period

  • Five minutes in, shots are 3-1 for Manchester. Not particularly ideal. However, neither team looks particularly dangerous, so I suppose that’s alright?
  • I think the Beast heard me. They’ve had a good shift or two after that.
  • Ah. Damn. Rebound. Fucale got the initial shot, but David Pacan’s attempt to clear the puck away put it straight on the stick of a Manchester player.
  • Poor Dalton Thrower. All alone on another 2-on-1. Things sure aren’t looking good for Brampton early on...
  • And now a penalty. Just what they don’t need.
  • Oh great. Goal 16 seconds in. After their penalty kill has been so good too.
  • Fucale with a couple of saves to get the Beast out of the first, including a breakaway.
  • Yeah, ok that was bad. Here’s to a better second period.

Second Period

  • Brampton to the penalty kill again. Pacan isn’t having a very good night.
  • Manchester thinks they’ve scored again, but the goal is called off. Possibly because the net was dislodged?
  • Oh lord...Brampton down 5-on-3. Yeah, this game really is not going well.
  • Shots are 18-3 for Manchester, but Brampton kills off the 5-on-3!
  • These are not good penalties, boys...
  • ZACH.
  • Well, this game went from bad to worse...

Third Period

  • Beast start the period on the power play, and David Ling is having a pretty decent go here!
  • and now we’ve got a fight!
  • AND NOW WE’VE GOT ANOTHER FIGHT. Mathieu Gagnon just tried to fight the entire Manchester roster. Biiiig wait as the refs try to figure this one out.
  • Crisp, Marino, and two Manchester players end up in the box, Gagnon gets the game.
  • ALL OF THE PENALTIES. No one knows what any of them are right now.
  • Thank goodness that’s over.
  • This game is definitely one of those you throw in the bin and forget about asap.
  • 4-0 Manchester, who is now up 2-1 in the series.