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Canadiens vs Lightning Game One Top Six Minutes: Ben Bishop, ruiner of everything

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The Bolts and the Canadiens met in game one, but only the Bolts came up victorious.

Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

1st Period

  • My laptop ominously stopped working right before I started typing this. So I'm guessing Tampa Bay is going to blow the Habs out in this game.
  • Why does this game have to start at 7:00?
  • How many posts can the Habs hit in this game? Correction, how many shots can the Habs take in this game?
  • Bishop is 6'7. Did you know that? I do now thanks to the 11 millionth time they've mentioned this on my TV.  It has become the new Mark Stone's wrist.
  • Also, Ben Bishop is 6'7.
  • What are lines, when we can have a Therrien blender instead?
  • Red alert! MTL has a powerplay. Be very, very worried Tampa (okay, not really). New powerplay combo - 67-14-11 + 26-76 (weird, but I like it).
  • Bishop is big, did you know that? He's B I G.  HE IS H U G E!!!
  • Is that Lars Eller on the powerplay? It must be a cold day in hell.
  • No goal (brought to you by the potato cams in nets and big Ben's pads).
  • Still dumping and chasing on the powerplay, because why not?
  • Tampa Bay powerplay for some weird reason. Not quite sure why. Shockingly, the Bolts don't dump and chase on the powerplay. Thankfully, their frightening looking powerplay is as potent as Montreal's.
  • Alex Galchenyuk with the heart attack inducing change.
  • Petry don't be hurt. Petry don't be hurt. Petry don't be hurt (my liver can't take more Alexei Emelin).
  • We survived the first period. Now it's time to survive Don Cherry.
  • And Ben Bishop is big, did you know that? Did you???

2nd Period

  • Jeff Petry is back. Everyone breathe a sigh of relief. You too, Emelin.
  • Can we just get rid of the neutral zone already? If the Habs don't use it, no body else should either.
  • All good scoring chances only belong to the 4th line.
  • Ben Bishop is big. Carey Price isn't quite as big as big 6'7 Ben Bishop.
  • Gallagher is everywhere. He is channelling his inner Quicksilver.
  • And Lars Eller is summoning his inner Ironman, just getting all the shots on net (so would this technically make Michel Therrien, Nick Fury?)
  • Alex Galchenyuk is having such a bad game.
  • Max Pacioretty is incredible. Here's our Captain America!
  • Dear Tampa Bay: Do NOT touch Carey Price. Ever. EVER. Stop right now. You do not want to face an angry god.
  • Or maybe you do. It's your own funeral. See if I care.
  • Ben Bishop is still big. I'd almost forgotten.
  • Lars Eller drew a powerkill, one which he actually got to participate in (for a few glorious seconds).
  • Why does our powerplay go from about a 6 to a -151, so quickly?
  • It will never cease to amaze me that Greg Pateryn was a Leafs pick. That team willingly drafted Tyler Biggs!
  • Parenteau was denied by Bishop and then Parenteau was held by the referee.
  • There is a Bishop shutout streak counter. Why does my TV hate me?
  • Tyler Johnson is scary. Like Ultron levels of scary.
  • Alex Galchenyuk is being as effective tonight as Loki was during the first Avengers movie…when Loki tried to intimidate the Hulk.
  • Plekanec and Pacioretty and NO, WHY?!
  • We have survived the second period.
  • Ben Bishop is still big. This is your friendly neighbourhood reminder.

3rd Period

  • Emelin penalty. I hate everything.
  • I also hate Tyler Johnson more than everything. He is worse than freakin' Ultron.
  • Come on Bell Centre ghosts, work your magic here. Like anytime now. As soon as possible would be nice. Pretty please?
  • Brendan Gallagher drew a penalty? The BRENDAN GALLAGHER?!
  • Time for the powerkill aka insanity.
  • 'Tis the season to dump and chase. Fa la la la la la la la la. Who cares if the PP is such a waste? Fa la la la la la la la la.
  • Wait did they just replace Stone's wrist watch with Johnson's arm watch? Oh for the love of…
  • Come on Habs do something, anything, everything to score a goal!
  • Big Ben Bishop's bigness is helping him be a better goalie because he's big.
  • Possession gods, are you around? We're doing this Corsi thing and Fenwick thing pretty well tonight. Can you throw us bone and help us tie this game up, please? Plus, I promise to never make another #CHaracter joke ever again.
  • I LOVE MAX PACIORETTY! MAX PACIORETTY FOR PRIME MINISTER! PACIORETTY IS CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCKING AMERICA! MAX PACIORETTY IS EVERYTHING RIGHT IS THIS GLORIOUS WORLD!
  • Hmm, oddly Ben Bishop's size wasn't mentioned.
  • Who jinxed Alex Galchenyuk? That poor kid had had nothing go his way this entire game. Get him to a shaman!
  • High ho, high ho, it's off to overtime we go.
  • We have survived yet another period.
  • But hey, did you know Ben Bishop was big?

OT

  • Does anyone enjoy overtimes?
  • I'm going to cry no matter how this game ends. My heart meanwhile, is going to turn to confetti.
  • Ben Bishop is being big in the net because he is big. Ben Bishop is not big, big is Ben Bishop.
  • No. Goal. I. Can't. Breathe. Nope. What. Is. Life.
  • MOAR overtime, this is great!!! (said nobody ever, in the history of hockey)
  • And in case you were wondering, because you most definitely were, Ben Bishop is still big.
  • I'm crying because everything really, really sucks.

EOTP 3 stars

1.  This sucks.

2. If only this was true.

3.   Well, at least there's this.

Highlights