Well first of all, it's against my vice principals to compliment players who play for other teams, because I think they're all dicks, but Alexander Ovechkin is pretty good at scoring goals. And number two, or three, or whatever number we're on, Carey Price is pretty good at not allowing goals, so it's a catch 23 situation here.
When it comes to the Montreal Canadiens, sometimes I don't know how to express myself when I need to be properly different. You got things coming at you, and other stuff coming in from other departments and... Well, not departments but you know what I mean. Worst case Ontario, they lose, and then you have a few drinks. And, you know, you have a few drinks and next thing you know you're in a vehicle smashing into shit.
Thing is, they're first in their division, playoff bound, and have the best goalie in the world, which is awesome. But sometimes, this team just makes you want to turn the game off and say "let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers." Hopefully this isn't one of those.
For those unfamiliar with the Trailer Park Boys, tonight is indeed the Rickyisms edition of the TSM. As such, reader discretion is advised due to strong language forthcoming .
- Today we found out that Ovechkin would like to play in Montreal if he weren't with the Capitals. That may be a longshot, but I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optometrist. #OVI2021?
- Devante Smith-Pelly got back into the lineup tonight, and looked totally gassed after 20 seconds of his first shift. If you're out of shape, why don't you go get some hyposuction? Everyone's looking at your gut, because it's F****** HUUUGE.
- I'll swallow my prize and admit to Michel Therrien that dump and chase works the day that it doesn't result in a change of posession nine times out of ten.
- Alex Galchenyuk may be playing on David Desharnais' line, but it's pretty clear to see who makes the pants in this relationship.
- I wonder what would happen if we just had Galchenyuk wear a Desharnais sweater every night. I mean, what Therrien don't grow won't burn him.
- "What comes around is all around" - P.K. Subban to Ovechkin after he got his revenge and hip checked him into golf season.
- If I were the head coach of the Montreal Canadiens, my first order of business would be to ref***ulate the powerplay. Then we get high and play space in the middle of the street.
- Desharnais just gave me some homemade f*** offs by drawing a penalty. He can keep his jersey, for to say he scores on that powerplay in the second.
- Desharnais didn't score on the powerplay but JEFF PETRY SURE DID! Peach n' cake: you walk in, you shoot, you score.
- It's a work in process, that powerplay. Basically Gorilla see Gorilla do, so hopefully all the Gorillas were watching that one.
- Barry Trotz probably makes a lot of money coaching an NHL team and all, but I'd bet my left nut he's the kind of guy who'd give his wife a cubic zarcarbian or some shit on their anniversary.
- Carey Price just made a save on his own defenseman... You make my words, Carey Price is winning the Vezina trophy, and everyone else can just catch a boat to f***offity land.
- How in the f*** does Subban getting hauled down at the offensive blueline while trying to head out on a backcheck not draw a penalty? Tie game because the refs are blind, and one of them looks like Indianapolis Jones.
- Now you're going to give them a five on three? I think I speak for everyone when I say that these refs are the stupidest f*** giraffes in the dumb dumb salad.
- I take that back actually... Alexei Emelin is playing the five on three. The stupidest f*** giraffe in the dumb dumb salad may be coaching the Montreal Canadiens.
- False acrimination by the ref against Max Pacioretty gives Washington the lead. Get the liquor and the chicken fingers ready boys it's getting close to that time.
- TOM GILBERT: "Knock Knock" BRADEN HOLTBY: "Who's there?" TOM GILBERT: "f*** OFF"
- Tie game. Gilbert may be wearing a weird sort of full bucket, but it's clear he doesn't have any weird pikeological shit going on.
- HOLY F*** BOYS, PUT THE LIQUOR AND THE CHICKEN FINGERS BACK IN THE FREEZER, LARS ELLER JUST TOOK THE LEAD BACK.
- So far it's been a game of denial and error, but the Habs are up heading into the third.
- It doesn't take rocket appliances to see that Montreal is probably the better team tonight, and that they should win this game. So go do that or something, boys.
- Eh Karlsson, you better chill out there heavy metal dick. Leave Galchenyuk alone or I'll give ya one. The ref gave him two, so send Petry in to ref***ulate the powerplay yet again.
- How did Holtby get back in his net to make that save?? Eh Holtby, make like a tree and f*** off.
- Of course Ovechkin scores another goal. Not only can he take the same advice I just gave Holtby, but I'm starting to wonder if the desired unit for ref***ulation is the penalty kill, and not the powerplay.
- You can go to college and get your little PFD or whatever the f*** it's called, I don't care. Puck over the boards will still be the dumbest penalty ever and you won't be able to convince me otherwise.
- You have got to be f***ing kidding me. Fire up the microwave I'm gonna need those chicken fingers defrosted ASAT.
- WAIT, PUT THEM BACK AGAIN. P.K. SUBBAN DEFINITELY HAS ROCKET APPLIANCES AND KNOWS HOW TO USE THEM.
- Well they got one point, which is definitely preferable than Raykins eating all of your weed.
- If I can't smoke and swear, I'm f***ed. That goes double when the team is in sudden death situations. Brace yourselves.
- Let's start Emelin in the OT period... f*** giraffes.
- Well let's go to a shootout then. Might have a Hark attack after this one. Anyone have a smoke?
- Carey Price is better than the best chicken fingers in the world.
- Speaking of chicken fingers, you can pour me a drink and get to cooking those greasy bastards now.
EOTP 3 Stars of the night
- P.K. Subban gets revenge on Ovi with the hip check.
- Jeff Petry opens the scoring on the powerplay.
- Tom Gilbert ties it up at two
- Lars Eller grabs the lead back