Those close to me know that when I was eight years old I attended a renaissance fair near Montreal. While chasing a runaway rabbit I accidentally stumbled upon the lair of an ancient fortune teller/gypsy who had THE SIGHT. This gypsy bestowed upon me the exact details of the Montreal Canadiens/Ottawa Senators first round matchup in the 2015 playoffs.
I thought it was incredibly random and the room was full of what I later found out was way too much opium but it is now 2015 and if what I was told is true this is exactly how the next two weeks will play out.
I knew the gypsy couldn't be wrong when the prediction of a first round Habs/Sens matchup came to fruition. The gypsy also told me that Jamie Benn would win the 2014-2015 Art Ross and I laughed and laughed and laughed and then said "Who is Jamie Benn?"
Max Pacioretty makes his triumphant return from missing the entire remainder of the regular season* with an undisclosed upper body injury**
**Probably a concussion.
His return is scoffed at by Senators' superstar Chris Neil who spends the game pretending to crush Pacioretty's head with his thumb and index finger from the press box. The Habs win three to two.
Andrew Hammond's lore continues as he puts up another unprecedented and baffling performance by allowing four goals on 4 shots. The Canadiens win four to two.
The Senators go back to Hammond in game three and are rewarded as he makes an incredible fourty two saves. The Habs would finish the game with 50 shots on goal and take the game eight to one. McDonald's breaks their sponsorship deal with the Sens.
Ottawa turns to Craig Anderson to try and repair the damage done by relying on an ECHL backup goaltender to carry them through the post-season. Jean Gabriel Pageau returns after missing games one to three with the flu. The Senators win five to two.
Back in Montreal, Erik Karlsson draws boos from the crowd as he scores the game winner with twenty two seconds remaining in regulation. His celebration draws so much scrutiny that Ginette Reno slaps him in the face when they cross paths upon exiting the rink.
In the midst of a quiet series, Dale Weise breaks a zero-zero third period deadlock by accidentally putting the puck into his own net. The Senators win one nothing.
Knowing his job is on the line Michel Therrien does the only thing he knows how to do: Mix up his forward lines. It pays off as the line of Devante Smith-Pelley-Tomas Plekanec-Brian Flynn collectively puts up eight points. The Habs win the game and the series four to three
So there you have it. You don't even have to watch the games. You probably don't anyways, you damn Corsi lover.