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Canadiens vs Sharks Top Sex Minutes: An Erotic Thriller

I've traveled to this webzone to talk about the sexy Sharks loss that just took place.

Caught me bangin' in the blue paint, WASN'T ME
Caught me bangin' in the blue paint, WASN'T ME
Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports

I have to warn you all, the Sharks have broken me in so many ways that I have no feelings for them anymore. Even if they scored a goal tonight I don't think my heart would have skipped a beat. I don't care. It's not you, it's me.

Pregame:

  • I wrote a little tid bit over at Battle of California about the game tonight, Habs fans on facebook seemed to take it pretty well
  • First of all, if you want to go golfing, you go to Arizona, everyone knows that
  • lol*
  • too*
  • Is this a parody account?

First Period:

  • Michel Therrien hijacks a bus filled with school children
  • Carey Price saves three elderly women from a burning building whilst making a left pad save
  • Brandon Gallagher has never looked so stiff
  • I'm surprised that PK didn't get the embellishment penalty
  • Dude scores, I don't care
  • I'm going to have so much free time in a couple of weeks

First Intermission:

  • I pop by the EOTP facebook page again to check in on the comments for my gameday post..

  • /scratches hypothetical nuts
  • *mutes Don Cherry*

Second Period:

  • ZzzzzZzzzzZZZzzz
  • Michel Therrien told Habs players on the bench that they aren't allowed to spend the offseason with their families
  • Logan Couture slides into Carey Price's DMs

Second Intermission:

  • Oh god, there's another period left?

Third Period:

  • Quick, what's the number for 911? You guys know this, right?
  • I had some really good Mexican food
  • /long exasperated sigh
  • I hate this fucking team but at least they will get eliminated before the last day of the season and put me out of my goddamn misery
  • Hopefully Price doesn't get injured in the postseason

Conclusion:

  • Hockey is dumb
  • California has won the cup three times in the past 8 years
  • Canada has won zero cups in the past 8 years
  • California is superior to Canada in every way imaginable
  • With that said, go Flames
  • Michel Therrien is immortal and will be the Habs' coach for the rest of eternity
  • I'll see you jerks in October, I'm going to the beach
Oh yeah, and...