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Canadiens vs Senators Top Six Minutes: Andrew Hammond puts up another legendary performance

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Join Bonk's Mullet of BonksMullet.com for a magical night of laughs, friendship, and Eric Gryba elbowing people in the head.

Andrew "Hamburglar" Hammond - Stealing W's like they're delicious all-beef patties
Andrew "Hamburglar" Hammond - Stealing W's like they're delicious all-beef patties
Marc DesRosiers-USA TODAY Sports

Hey folks,

My name is Bonk's Mullet and I'm a Sens fan. It's a true honour to be writing to you all tonight about the most successful cup-winning team in NHL history as of 1927: the Ottawa Senators. In all seriousness, I love watching Sens-Habs games. They've developed a great rivalry, and it's always a great chance for people to watch the most dynamic and exciting defenceman in the NHL: Erik Karlsson.

I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do for "Top Six Minutes" is, so Very little separates these teams other than 24 points in the standings and 24 cups, but who's counting? Chris Neil isn't. He can't count.

First Period

  • Due to injuries to Lehner and Anderson, the Sens are starting their third string goalie, Andrew Hammond, whom I've affectionately nicknamed "Ham 'nd Swiss." I'm sure you'll find out why.
  • Less than a minute in to the game, Alexei Yemelin tries to knock Mark Stone off the puck, but he goes down motionless and lifeless in the ice. I learned later that this was due to an injury and not part of Therrien's usual defensive strategy.
  • Off a rebound from a Subban shot, Prust has a wide open net, but puts the puck off the post. Nobody cares much because Prust is ridiculously handsome.
  • Sidebar: My fiancée, Maria, is a Red Wings fan. At the beginning of the season we made an agreement that if our teams played at the same time, we'd watch the most important game on the TV. So excuse me while I switch over to Gamecenter. Just pretend I made every joke about 2 minutes earlier than you're reading it.
  • Overall, the first period was fast-paced, exciting, end-to-end hockey that turned into the Hammond-Tokarski goaltending battle we all expected.
  • I know you guys like possession stats at this site, so here's one for you: The Catholic Church has 10 official exorcists in the United States.
  • 0-0 after 1.

Second Period

  • I had some fun fiddling around with EOTP features during the intermission. Did you guys know that there's a Lucic/Marchand insult generator? With one click of a button, you get instant gems like "Marchand dives harder than oil prices" and "Lucic throws out death threats like 50 Cent throws ceremonial pitches." Whole articles written in seconds. It's incredible.
  • On an early Sens PK, Galchenyuk breaks his stick, leading to a Ceci-Pageau-Condra 3 on 1, which marks the first time Sens jerseys have outnumbered Habs jerseys at the Canadian Tire Centre.
  • Subban takes an undisciplined penalty, which [WAS DEFINITELY A BAD CALL]. Whoa sorry, there's another EOTP automatic feature kicking in.
  • After the penalty expires, after Michalek jams in a puck that was sitting under Tokarski.
  • There are three certainties in Sens-Habs games:
  1. Max Pacioretty scoring on a breakaway
  2. A dirty Eric Gryba hit on Lars Eller resulting in silly post-whistle shenanigans
  3. Pageau scoring a timely goal
  • All of those things happened in a span of a few minutes. The only things we were missing were Paul MacLean's early-onset name dementia and love for prime numbers.
  • 2-1 after 2.
  • In the second intermission, Kypreos asks his phone, "Siri, who is the Magic Man?" Siri responds, "Your mother doesn't love you, Nick."

Third Period

  • Subban returns to the ice for the start of the third. I thought descending from the rafters wearing angel wings was a little much, but Subban's a divisive personality.
  • After an Of The Rose penalty, Erik Karlsson rips a slapper off the post. Tokarski takes a nap in the crease and Mark Stone awkwardly jams in the puck. After a video review, the goal is deemed a good hockey goal. A great hockey goal in fact. Generations after this one will look back at this goal and think, "Yes, that was good."
  • Erik Karlsson's assist on the goal marks his 4th straight multi-point game, or if you ask Sens fans, his 371st straight multi-point game.
  • You see, his nickname is Ham 'nd Swiss because there are holes in his goaltending game. Bo-lee-ew scores a weak one from the point after a high deflection. That's his first NHL goal! That'll move him up the depth chart just above Yemelin's separated shoulder, and just below the rest of Yemelin's body.
  • Down one with two minutes to go, the Habs pull Tokarski. Unfortunately they left defensive defenceman P.K. Subban on the ice, who made a sloppy turnover that resulted in an easy goal for Kyle Turris.
  • Sens win 4-2.

Conclusion

Enjoy the playoffs, losers! Follow me on Twitter.

*rides into the sunset on the back of Connor McDavid wearing a saddle.*

Highlights

Pacioretty converts on a Markov breakout pass

Nathan Beaulieu scores his first career goal, finally.