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Canadiens vs Stars Top Six Minutes: There's adversity, and then there's whatever this is.

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When disaster strikes, it never strikes just once.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

The Habs need a win, but if they're going to continue losing, at least they've been doing it while playing well. I am incredibly tired, so I apologize if things get goofy...or really uninspired...

This is P.K. Subban's 400th game. Let's make it a good one.

Will Michael McCarron get a point in his first game like his other IceCaps teammates? How will the lines look? Why was Andrighetto scratched? Which version of Mike Condon are we going to get? And most importantly, will the Habs finally get the win they've deserved for so long?

Michel Therrien thinks the Habs are playing better now than they were in their 9-0 stretch. Michel Therrien is not wrong.

First Period

  • Dallas has a moment of silence for Habs' legend Dickie Moore, and then sings the anthem in French! Good on you, Dallas.
  • Welp. Jason Spezza scores. Welcome to the NHL, McCarron. That shift began so well too.
  • Jirki Jokipakka has the best name in hockey.
  • McCarron has his first shot on net! (The visuals of that line are, as I anticipated, amazing. Tiny little Byron, and massive Mike McCarron. He even dwarfs Eller, who isn't exactly short himself.)
  • One thing is for sure, this game is much faster and more interesting than most of the games they've played lately.
  • Emelin got rocked. That seems to happen to him every other game. Can we stop doing that please?
  • Eller getting some time on the powerplay, which he heartily deserves. He's been playing some great hockey lately. He almost converts in a scramble in front of the net too.
  • AHHH THE POST. AHHHHHH THE POST AGAIN. How unlucky can you be???? Very, is the answer.
  • The Habs are never going to score again. The hockey gods have put a force field around the nets of the Habs' foes. This is run of bad luck is getting ridiculous.
Ok...now I can catch my breath.


Second Period

  • OY DON CHERRY. GALLAGHER CAN SCORE JUST FINE. That aside, if Gallagher reminds Cherry of Moore, that's pretty great for Gallagher.
  • Jamie Benn scores. I hate everything.
  • Patrick Sharp scores. I really hate everything. The hockey gods hate the Habs. They're never going to win again.
  • Condon charges waaaaaaay out the net to avert a crisis.
  • Markov to the box for delay of game. I hate everything. Do I have to finish this recap? Yes? Damnit.
  • The Habs penalty kill makes me happy. Galchenyuk also makes me happy.
  • START THE CARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ROOKIE HAS TWO, AND THE GAME'S 3-1.
  • 3-1. We can come back from 3-1...right?
  • F*#%$##@$*#$&#@$&# Not going to lie. I kind of hate Jamie Benn a little right now. If he hurt Petry seriously, that feeling is gonna last a little longer.
  • Itwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfourone
  • Bless Alex Galchenyuk.
  • Oh lord McCarron why. Wait. HOW IS THAT A ROUGH???????????
  • I'm sorry boss. The caps are absolutely necessary this game. It's this or swearing.
  • I love Lars Eller though.
  • How many times can I say I hate everything before it gets redundant?
  • Mercy pull for Condon. Tokarski to finish the game.

Third Period

  • Is it too early to say how much I hate everything?
  • I'm dead inside. Anything after this is just killing me more. Which is impossible if you're already dead.
  • ItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouroneItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouroneItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouroneItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouroneItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouroneItwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronepleasetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfouronetwasfourone
  • Hahahahahahahahahahahahathis is going to be a catastrophe.
  • Yeah.
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAND Petry's out for the night. Everything is awful.
  • PAUL BREAKAWAY BYRON STRIKES AGAIN. HE HAS THREE GOALS SHORTHANDED. WHAT A BEAUTY.
  • are you serious
  • If I start talking about the Leafs or Team Denmark, how upset will people be?
  • McCarron is completely fearless. He's going to be terrifying in a few years.
  • Jonathan Bernier had a shutout against the LA Kings. It's official. The world is ending.
  • Habs have a powerplay and I don't even care.
  • Carr almost had another.
  • Good night. I'm going to go eat some chocolate and pretend that this game never happened.

Answers

  • Will Michael McCarron get a point in his first game like his other IceCaps teammates? - No. But he got a lot of other firsts. First NHL penalty, first NHL bloody face, first NHL HOW-IS-THAT-A--PENALTY penalty.
  • How will the lines look? - The answer was pretty good until they really, really weren't.
  • Why was Andrighetto scratched? - No one knows the answer to this question.
  • Which version of Mike Condon are we going to get? - Um.
  • And most importantly, will the Habs finally get the win they've deserved for so long? -  ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahaha

EOTP 3 Stars of the night

3) Almost as mean as them not doing a damn thing to honour Dickie Moore.

2) Blender time, yo.

1) It really would, you know?

Highlights