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Canadiens vs Kings Top Six Minutes: Way she goes

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Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. Lately, she's not going at all.

Eric Bolte-USA TODAY Sports

For our new readers and members, the Top Six Minutes is a continuation of the discussion in the game thread. We try to keep it light and entertaining. Full recaps are up the morning after every game.

The Habs are on a skid. It's an annoying skid where most of their losses are undeserved. Where they play plenty well enough to win, but either get robbed by the opposing goaltender, or they're just absurdly unlucky. It's insanely frustrating, because as high as they are in the standings, they could be even higher.

Perhaps this is some Shakespearean poetic justice; the hockey gods exacting revenge for the many, many times that Carey Price stole games last year. Whatever this is, one has to hope that it ends, and ends as soon as possible. Please end this, Habs.

You cannot take from me anything that I will more willingly part withal. Except my Price, except my Price, except my Price...

Wait, that already happened... Please come back, Carey. We miss you. I'm totally not wearing your jersey right now...

That's a lie... I'm sorry. I am, and I love you.

First period

  • Yo, if this goes badly, guess what's happening with this TSM...
  • Been awhile since I busted out some TPB references. Gonna just do it either way. Way she goes.
  • Noted Samsquantch Milan Lucic gets stopped on a glorious chance by Mike Condon. New reality TV show idea: Mike Condon hunts Samsquantches in the mountains of British Columbia.
  • Max Pacioretty getting a short-handed chance is as predictable as Randy saying yes to "making that cheeseburger a double."
  • Lars Eller getting one right after him is fun. Gorilla see, gorilla do, you know?
  • The whispering winds of shit are telling me that this is going to be another one of those games where they deserve to win, but don't. Eye of the shitticane.
  • A wise man once asked; "What could possibly be worse than getting fucked by bears?"
  • Losing a hockey game when you outshoot the opponent 17-7 in the first period might not be, but it's definitely up there.
  • Hey, Jonathan Quick... Frig off.

Second period

  • Condon's two huge early saves, though...
  • I've met cats and dogs that are smarter than Cory and Trevor. Most cats and dogs are probably smarter. Those guys are dumb.
  • So is the "over the glass" penalty, but it benefits the Habs here, so I'll shut up.
  • Seriously... Frig off, Quick.
  • "Hey guys, maybe if we ice the puck a bunch of times in a row, we'll score a goal!"
  • The only person greasier than Drew Doughty is Sam Losco, and that man is gree-hee-heasy. 1-0 Kings.
  • I rest my case, as the greasy caveman himself spots Anze Kopitar to make it 2-0.
  • Maybe we should all just leave now, get drunk, get some chicken fingers, and get in line for Star Wars tomorrow. Who's with me?
  • Seriously Quick? Do I really need to say it again? Frig off, man.
  • Just gonna go ahead and prepare for the third period as follows:

Third period

  • Seriously Quick... Seriously.
  • For the purpose of this TSM pretend that gif says Quick, and not Rick. I'm not an impossibilist, I can't change it.
  • Why is Carey Price playing in a Jonathan Quick jersey?
  • Seriously, is that Carey Price? Is it a goaltending robot based on Carey Price? What the hell, man?
  • Perhaps the Habs can learn from this game and come out better. I don't know.
  • The thing with growings and getting learnings and stuff is that... You can't lie.
  • Maybe they played good, maybe they didn't. Fuckin' word papers aren't going to make a damn difference.
  • This isn't on paper, but you can print it out and read it on paper if you really want. GIFs kinda suck on paper though.
  • Late powerplay. And woaaahh HE'S PULLIN' HIS GOALIE.
  • Haha. Nope, didn't work at all.
  • That's it folks, say goodnight to the bad guys. I'm out of here.

EOTP 3 Stars of the night

3) Nobody wants to look at a friggin' Samsquantch while they're trying to eat.

2) I'm all ears if anyone has a better explanation for this.

1) Probably. Actually, definitely. Most definitely.

Highlights

  • HAHAHAHAHA YOU THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE HIGHLIGHTS?