So the NHL season is about to begin, and you're going to be very busy this year with your job and with your new girlfriend, who doesn’t like hockey. Afraid that you might miss something important involving your dear beloved Habs? I’ve got you covered! See, I’ve just received the 2014-2015 spoilers guide, and here’s the low down:
October 4, 2014: Francis Bouillon decides to leave the team since he can’t get a 1-way contract. Harassed about it by the francophone media, Marc Bergevin finally admits he cannot imagine a right-minded GM signing him.
October 5, 2014: Francis Bouillon gets a 1-way deal with the Colorado Avalanche.
October 8, 2014: FIRST GAME OF THE SEASON! Brandon Prust hurts his shoulder.
By the way, Peter Budaj has won the right to sit on the bench, and not in the stands.
October 25, 2014: Canadiens leave for western Canada with a 6-1-1 record. Their power play is first in the league since Michel Therrien realized he had the good roster to play the 1-3-1, which they did once against the Bruins in preseason, with Gallagher (Bourque) in the low slot, Desharnais (Plekanec) in the high slot, Pacioretty and Subban (Galchenyuk and Parenteau) on the half boards and Markov (Gilbert) on the point.
November 5, 2014: First confrontation of the season against the Sabres. Montreal dominates the putrid Buffalo team, but has no answer for Josh Gorges’ unreal talent for scoring against the Habs. Sabres win 2-1.
November 18, 2014: Les Habitants welcome none other than Sidney’s Penguins to the Bell Center. It’s a pretty dull game, until Steve Downie dumps the puck and Katie Strang jumps on the ice to try and save him from Mike Johnston’s Taser.
November 29, 2014: After a third loss in three games to the Sabres and a bad slump (Habs now have a 12-9-4 record), fans are legitimately upset. Travis Moen declares this team needs to give the fans what they want. In a press release, Bergevin says he agrees with Moen.
November 30, 2014: Montreal puts Travis Moen on waivers. Unsurprisingly, he goes unclaimed.
December 1, 2014: Michel Therrien changes his defensive pairings. Markov and Subban are back together, while Alex Emelin and Tom Gilbert are now partners. That second pairing proves to be very balanced, since Gilbert tends to be a bit soft at times and Emelin's hockey IQ is pretty low for a top-4 defenseman.
December 13, 2014: Nathan Beaulieu is a major disappointment after two months, and even he verbally admits it. Michel Therrien asks him what he thinks is the main reason for this slow start, to which Beaulieu responds that he lacks confidence and would like to feel a little more like in 2013-2014. To try and help him feel like he did a season ago, Canadiens’ management send Beaulieu to the minors, then call him up, then send him down, then call him up over the span of 36 hours.
December 18, 2014: Ducks are playing at the Bell Center tonight, and it’s the perfect time for a Saku Koivu Appreciation Night. Koivu is very emotional, and Habs fans give him all of their love. Geoff Molson is here to give Saku a huge painting that represents the team he used to be captain of, and for old time’s sake Koivu has to carry it all alone on his shoulders.
January 21, 2015: David Desharnais is back from a minor injury, and during his absence Alex Galchenyuk has been fantastic at center. Meanwhile in New York, the Rangers cannot live up to the expectations created by last year’s Stanley Cup final appearance. Matthew Lombardi is done for the season, and their bottom 6 is a mess. Glen Sather panics, as he usually does, and it all ends up in Habs trading Tomas Plekanec, Dustin Tokarski and a 5th-round pick for Chris Kreider, who had lost his second-line left winger job to J.T. Miller. People in Montreal can't believe it because of the 2014 playoffs' incident. Brandon Prust faints; hurts his shoulder.
Sometime in March 2015: Trade Deadline! Marc Bergevin continues the tradition of adding a defenseman at the deadline by trading Darren Dietz and a 6th round pick to the Islanders in return for veteran Lubomir Visnovsky, whose Corsi relative seems to always be pretty good year after year. Also, Sharks acquire Travis Moen from Montreal, hoping to add another missing piece of the puzzle.
April 11, 2015: Habs finish the season on a high note by beating the Maple Leafs, 5-2. Their final record is 48-24-10, good for second in the Atlantic behind Tampa Bay. PK Subban wraps up a 59-point season, placing him behind only Erik Karlsson (66) and soon-to-be Norris trophy winner Francis Bouillon (62).
I would tell you about what is going to happen during the playoffs, but I’ve bet a whole lot of money on the playoffs using my spoilers guide and I sure wouldn’t want you to make as much money as I do. So I hope you enjoy having no idea what’s going to happen in the post-season.