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Canadiens vs Blackhawks Top Six Minutes: Who's panicking anyways?

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This is going to be a level-headed edition of the Top Six Minutes. I promise.

Jean-Yves Ahern-USA TODAY Sports
  • No Jiri Sekac again tonight, but let's not let that overshadow the fact that Bournival gets his first taste of NHL action this year.
  • What's with everyone saying Habs fans are panicking lately? Is talking about how shitty they've been really panicking? Is there no grey area left on the internet anymore? It would be terrible if fans were to overreact in regards to every minor play on the ice.

1st period

  • Subban whiffed on a puck. Screw that guy. Trade him.
  • Desharnais missed a pass. What a turd. Trade him.
  • Good work by Eller to create space for Bourque, they get a pass...this time.
  • Carey Price made a save, but gave up a rebound. Total shmuck. Trade him.
  • The Habs PP sucks. Catapult Clement Jodoin into the sun.
  • Mike Weaver embellishes. Embarrassing. Send him to Boston
  • Marian Hossa is...kind of awesome, and I refuse to say anything negative about him.
  • Desharnais missed a great scoring chance, kill his dog before trading him.
  • Gallagher missed a great chance to score. To the AHL with him.
  • Carey Price is a golden god. He deserves better. Trade him.
  • Emelin goes for a big hit, the Hawks start to dominate, head to the PP. Trebuchet Emelin into the ocean.
  • Weiss didn't have his stick on the ice. What the fuck is he doing on the first line anyway? Waive him.
  • Pacioretty hesitated to shoot, pissed away a scoring chance. Summer buyout candidate.

2nd period

  • Galchenyuk hasn't done something insanely impressive in about a half a game. Undraft him.
  • Beaulieu shoots the puck right at Crawford's chest. What a donkey. ECHL duties for him.
  • Brendan Gallagher just saved a goal, but immediately iced the puck. Good thing he's already on his way to the AHL.
  • Mike Weaver breaks up the play, but again the puck gets iced. Bag skate for all.
  • Markov didn't magically stop Kruger from scoring. That guy is so old. Trade him for future considerations.
  • Instead of Price, I'm going to start calling him Alan Eagleson, because he's robbing NHL players left and right. Trade him.
  • Brandon Prust hasn't done much lately. Bench him.
  • Lars Eller keeps creating scoring chances, but still struggles to score.  Retire him.
  • So it's 2-0 despite the Habs putting up an honest effort, but who's panicking? Also, fire Therrien.
  • Pacioretty hasn't scored yet. Total bum. Send him to the KHL.

3rd period

  • What a crappy start to the period. Fire Pierre Gervais.
  • Plekanec didn't score shorthanded. That's a paddlin'.
  • Manny Malhotra lost a faceoff. Worst signing ever. That's a paddlin'.
  • Nathan Beaulieu has looked great, but hasn't hit the score sheet. That's definitively a paddlin'.
  • Travis Moen is on the ice. You better believe that's a paddlin'
  • Tomas Plekanec doesn't even hit the 100 point plateau. Shitty player. Trade him.
  • Is Parenteau even playing? Invisible man strikes once again. Attempt to re-acquire Briere.
  • Rene Bourque is Rene Bourque. Trade him.
  • Dale Weise is still playing with Pacioretty. Send him as far away from Therrien as humanly possible.

EOTP 3 Stars

3. This man knows what he's doing.
star1

2.  WAIT FOR IT! 
star2

1. Ain't that the truth. 
star3

Highlights: LOL Nope. Try again next time.