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Canadiens vs Oilers Top Six Minutes: Everything that can go wrong goes wrong

Basically, it was a pond hockey game in its sloppiness, the Oilers won, Habs lost, and the Habs should feel shame.

Chris LaFrance-USA TODAY Sports

  • The Habs are on a western road swing. I live in the west, so you're all stuck with me for the next three games because time zones and, well...
  • The Twitter told me there were a lot of Habs fans in the building way before the game even started. Can't see yet, but maybe it was just that too many Oilers fans have been throwing their jerseys in places where they can't get 'em back.
  • Nope. Wrong-o, Drake. Tons of CH representation in the barn. Absolutely beauteous.

1st Period

  • 20 seconds in, Go Habs Go chant is audible. That has to make you smile at least a little bit.
  • Of course the Habs take an early penalty. It's like they want to be shorthanded so Tomas Plekanec can keep climbing the all time SHG list.
  • Immediate second penalty following the end of the first one. Yep, they're totally doing what I just said.
  • Now a Habs powerplay. Basically one team is going to be shorthanded at all times. Hopefully not the Oilers because that Habs powerplay is abut as dangerous as a black lab puppy. Super cute, and may have sharp teeth but doesn't hurt you much.
  • I want to get mad at the refs really badly, but I can't because it's sloppy hockey so far and the penalties are all legit. Someone tell David Desharnais you're not allowed to go for piggy back rides on opposing players.
  • The Oilers fans are trying to fight the Go Habs Go chant with their own 'let's go Oilers' chant. That's either cute or really sad.
  • Petry dumps Gallagher into his own goalie, Pacioretty scores, no goal because of course no goal.
  • Of course Benoit Pouliot scores and it counts. 1-0 Oilers after possibly the sloppiest period of hockey I've ever watched in my life.

2nd Period

  • Starting the second shorthanded because Taylor Hall dives is cool. It's not cool at all you jerk, Hall.
  • Maybe there was an oil spill ... hehehehe. Get it? GET IT!?!? I'm getting bored here, can you tell?
  • Nail Yakupov did a thing, assisted by a thing done by Benoit Pouliot. It's pretty darn frustrating to watch your team lose to a team you know they're way better than.
  • This is rapidly becoming not only the sloppiest game I've ever watched, but possibly the sloppiest game in NHL history. Possibly.
  • The powerplay is a problem. A real, real big problem. The NHL needs to allow for them to be declined so the Habs can blanket decline all future ones. Except maybe 5 on 3 ones... Screw it, those too.
  • Alex Galchenyuk is really good, and the lone bright spot. He's better than Nail Yakupov, and the only appropriate response to anyone suggesting otherwise would be to laugh loudly at them.

3rd Period

  • Well it wouldn't be the first third period comeback of the year, right?
  • Ehhhhhhh shorthanded again early! Who doesn't love that.
  • If the powerplay could be as good as the penalty kill I would be a happy man. A very happy man. So happy that even a super sloppy slopfest like this wouldn't bother me.
  • Nahhh, it would still bother me, I hate sloppy puck.
  • Oilers get a second call due to a dive. I thought the league was cracking down on this type of stuff? No? Ahh we'll just have to find a spot for it in the dive files.
  • Now I'm mad at the refs, and that makes me feel normal again. I don't like Zebras much.
  • Subban and Beaulieu are now playing together. I repeat, Subban and Beaulieu are partnered on defense. It is a beautiful silver lining. I shall call it: Subbeaulieu. Carry on.
  • Poweplay update: it still isn't worth updating people about.
  • There have been more whistles in this game than the last two combined. I don't have stats to back that up but I'm calling it. Executive decision. I hope some goof spends like four hours trying to prove that wrong.
  • Michel Therrien doing his best Patrick Roy impersonation by pulling Tokarski with three minutes to go. Bold strategy Cotton, let's see if it pays off.
  • It didn't pay off, as the aforementioned master diver Taylor Hall gets a gift.
  • Can't win em all folks. Probably overdue for one of those games. See you all tomorrow in Calgary.

EOTP 3 Stars of the night

3) You know you've always wanted to know what Malhotra would look like with Gilbert's flow.

2) Anyone who knows me knows that I respect the effort.

1) I most certainly did not.