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Deep hockey thoughts with a non-hockey-loving wife

My wife doesn't like hockey. She tried really hard to like it, and she enjoys going to games, but sports aren't her thing. Sometimes we talk about hockey anyway though, since it's what I do, and this is the result of those conversations.

Teemoo
Teemoo
USA TODAY Sports

Before I begin, I want to say that this isn't making fun of my wife in any way. It was her idea to write this stuff down, and she's hilarious and amazing. She's also a scientist and beyond words brilliant. You can follow her on twitter where she tweets about once a month here, and see her sciency food blog here. And so we have... Deep hockey thoughts with my non-hockey-loving wife:

  • Sometimes I randomly quiz my wife on hockey to annoy her. Around the end of the lockout I asked her if she remembered who the last coach of the Canadiens was (Randy Cunneyworth). Her answer: "Something about vagina money?"
  • While looking through NHL jerseys: "The San Jose Sharks have a fantastic colour scheme that would make a great fall or spring look. Black leather and teal chiffon would work really well. But sharks wouldn't be effective on ice so the logo is stupid."
  • While explaining that the Canadiens will never recapture the dynasties of the past, but are still going to be really good for awhile, she made the following comparison: "So they used to be the blood of Númenor, and for awhile there was no strength left in the realm of men. They were scattered, divided, leaderless. And for many years, people believed that the blood of Númenor had died out. But there was a ranger from the west, and the crown-less will again be kings. Maybe. Probably not."
  • She likes Lord of the Rings a lot.
  • On the Chicago Blackhawks: "Isn't that racist? Why does no one say that's racist?"
  • On the Flyers: "What is the Flyers' symbol supposed to be? It's really stupid."
  • When I told her during the 2011 playoffs that everyone hates the Canucks: "Well that makes sense, orcas are the assholes of the sea. They're bullies and no one likes them."
  • "If Teemu Selanne got fat, they'd call him Tee-moo."
  • "Michael Landsberg looks like old Mr. Jay on Next Top Model."
  • "It's really disappointing that icing doesn't have anything to do with cupcakes. Missed opportunity, hockey."
  • Why she likes P.K. Subban: "Because he's sassy."
  • On Tomas Plekanec: "I'm pretty sure he played Viktor Krum in Goblet of Fire. Look at them side by side, it's the same person."
  • On Los Angeles: "Why are they called the Kings? Historically it's really unlikely that there were any kings in that area."