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Top 10 Reasons For Sidney Crosby's Slump

From a panel of hockey insiders, gossip mongerers, the sources of rumour mills and whispers around the league, and a guy at Subway who looked suspiciously like Bruce Garrioch, here are the top 10 reasons why Sid the Kid is mired in a deep slump of late.

  1. Pictured himself in a Kansas City Scouts jersey, Reebok styled, and has gone into a deep depression.
  2. Afraid to reveal he is actually the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
  3. Mario Lemieux' s son embarrassed him in a driveway game of 1 on 1 ball hockey.
  4. Still paying off the tab from Alex Ovechkin's "Road Trip" room service stunt.
  5. Georges Laraque has gotten him fixated on the last Ludacris CD.
  6. In a reaction to the Jason Blake spear, made a trip to local video store to rent "Gladiator". Dimwit store clerk accidentaly rented out "Glad He Ate Her" porno. Puberty has kicked in big time as a result.
  7. Guilt trip. Recently lent unused razor to Britney Spears.
  8. Loss of ice time to Gary Roberts.
  9. Actually believes that "Eyes On The Prize" postings titled "Sidney Crosby, Countdown to 2012" are destiny.
  10. Role model Aaron Downey has been demoted to the minors.