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Patrick Stefan's Moment Of Infamy

(RC Note - Talk about one unforgettably hilarious clip! I quickly thought about what could have been going through Stefan's mind to make him miss.)

Imagine, you are a former number one NHL draft pick, one that has never quite panned out.

You tend to resemble more of a Greg Joly or Brian Lawton type, than say, Alexander Ovechkin - maybe in your dreams!

You've struggled hard to remain an NHL'er, despite your promise, in spite of disappointment.

As time goes by, the confidence you have in yourself is fleeting. If only you could find that magic touch, again.

The team that has drafted you has long believed, and still believes in you. It'll all come around, come together, sooner or late, you hope.

You hear and read your name mentioned in trade rumours. You think to yourself, "Who would want me, I suck!"

You call your manager to ask if the rumours have any basis. He tells you, "Don't worry about it, we wouldn't trade away a number one pick."

You put down the phone feeling assured.

Next morning you wake up, tune into the sports channel, and find out you've been traded!

A moment of depression lingers, then glee - somebody wanted you. You're happy, but doubt follows. Will they like me? Who will I play with? Can I produce? Fuck, they signed Lindros!!!

You go out there and start the season, putting in your usual effort. Things are okay. You're not doing any better than any other year but you seem accepted. Life is, well, good, you guess.

You go on a road trip to Edmonton, land of puckbunnies galore!

During a pre-game skate you meet the most beautiful girl you've ever seen. She sits behind the Oilers net during the first and third periods, and you notice her while the game is on.

You meet her after the game and quickly realize she is everything you've ever dreamed of. You can't believe your luck!

She is entrancing. She has a perfect figure from what you could see. Her lips, even when she seems bored, look like they are kissing. Her eyes smile! She can't seem to take them off you. You feel like everything you've always wanted to be.

You speak awhile with her and exchange numbers and e-mail addresses.

During the season you continue to communicate. You make plans for your next trip to Edmonton. You fantasize about her till you meet again. You talk almost every other day. Usually she calls first. On days you don't speak, she e-mails pictures of herself to you, just to make sure you are still interested.

The big game is finally around the corner. You phone her from the sky, as you are about to land at the airport. She answers first ring by hopefully sighing your name.

You tell her that after the game you have a one day stayover in Edmonton. She's excited. She throws a friendly wager at you to pump you for the game.

"Score a goal and I'm all yours" she says. "I'll be wearing a fur coat, a mini, nothing, not a thread, underneath!"
You glance at her during the pre-game skate. She teases you, lifting the fur a little, fondling the buttons. You know you won't be able to look at her during the game, but you can't help yourself.

You focus like you never have before. You dig in, like your career depends upon it.You focus on nothing but going to the net.

No chances come your way in the first period, but in the second, the puck comes to you and you light the red light.
You've scored! She's all yours.

Trouble is, she's sitting at the other end! From far away, you can't tell if she's noticed.

The third period starts. You're on the bench. The score is close. You don't get out much.

"Short shifts", the coach says. You follow orders. On the bench you look at clock and you look down ice.
Could she have missed it, you wonder?

Time winds down. There is only seconds remaining in the game. The coaches pats you on the back for the final shift. All he says "Forget goals, just puck pressure."

"Yes, pressure the puck carrier", you think, as you jump onto the ice.

The Oilers goalie has been pulled.

"What a chance", you think to yourself. If only, if only....

All of a sudden you cause a turnover, you have the puck...with nothing but open net before you! You think to shoot but hesitate, thinking about bad third period ice.

"Skate it in and make sure" your subconscience tells you.

You stride towards the net.

Instantly your moment unravels as if in slow motion.

One stride and another. You see her, beautiful as ever. You see a wide open net. They are one and the same. Opportunity knocks. She catches your eye. You catch hers. You see her clutching at the edges of that fur mini. She winks. You go to shoot.

Everything speeds up now as you go to fire it in, but the puck bobbles and skips. You lose concentration.
Whoa! Lookout boards!

BOOM! You crash into them, knocking your noggin.

You look for the puck in the net, but notice the Oilers heading down ice.

"Shit" you think, as you get up.

The Oilers score...."Fuck!!!"

You turn to look behind the Oilers net, and there she is.

She has her fur mini wide open.

She revealing a Oilers jersey.

She's making out with the goal judge.

You wanna die!!!