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Always worth a few good shits and giggles, here are some random words of wisdom from those associated with our great game. You can figure out which of these are pre-concussion!

  • "Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect." — Steve Rushin

  • "Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive." — Stephen Leacock

  • "Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept." — Doug Larson

  • "By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series." — Steve Rushin

  • "A puck is a hard rubber disc that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another." — Jimmy Cannon

  • "Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental." — Jim McKenny

  • "How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?" — Jacques Plante

  • "Some people skate to the puck. I skate to where the puck is going to be." — Wayne Gretzky

  • "Ice hockey players can walk on water." — Author Unknown

  • "Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins." — Author Unknown

  • Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street." — Author Unknown

  • "My other car is a Zamboni." — Hockey Saying

  • "Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records." — Author Unknown

  • "Hockey is figure skating in a war zone." — Author Unknown

  • "High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing... everything else is just figure skating." — Author Unknown

  • "Black people dominate sports in the United States - 20 percent of the population and 90 percent of the Final Four. We own this shit. Basketball, baseball, football, golf, tennis, and as soon as they make a heated hockey rink we'll take that shit too." — Chris Rock

  • "Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended playing hockey." — Author Unknown

  • "When Hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too." — Author Unknown

  • "Red ice sells hockey tickets." — Bob Stewart

  • "I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out." — Rodney Dangerfield

  • "Get used to this phrase: how could both referees have missed that?" — Mike Brophy of the Hockey News, on the new 2-referee-experiment in 1998

  • "He brings something special. I don't know what it is, but if you ask him, you wouldn't understand his answer." — Wayne Gretzky on Ranger forward Esa Tikkanen

  • "Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40 mph chess." — Lowell Cohn, Sportswriter

  • "Hey, NY Islanders, where were you the night we played the Rangers? We, your loyal fans showed up! We braved freezing weather and came out looking for a great game. We came out to support you. Where was the energy, the excitement, the electricity, the intensity? Come on now . . . we deserve a better effort. It's a tough road ahead. Your fans are behind you . . . play with passion!!! Let's Go Islanders! Signed,A Loyal Fan of the Team." — Text from a full-page ad in the January 24th edition of New York Newsday. Larry Weinberger, an Islanders' season ticket holder, paid $28,000 for the ad after watching his team lose 5-0 to the Rangers.

  • "He should be worried about playing the game, not innovating it. He thinks he's Brett Hull or something. You should remind him that he didn't go to college. He's a junior (hockey) guy. So he's not that bright." — Garth Snow, Islanders’ goalie and university graduate, after hearing Jeremy Roenick’s complaints about the officiating in a Flyers-Islanders game.

  • "It's not my fault Snow didn't have any other options coming out of high school. If going to college gets you a career backup goaltender job, and my route gets you a thousand points and a thousand games, and compare the two contracts, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whose decision was better." — Roenick, Flyers’ center and graduate of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, responds.

  • "I just don't know what to think. I play in Colorado, they tell me they like me, and I get traded. I play in Calgary, and at the end of the season the GM tells me he likes me, and I get traded. I just hope my fiancee doesn't tell me she likes me." — Chris Drury, after a July trade from Calgary to Buffalo.

  • "I remember what Ron Greschner said when he retired. 'The thing I'm going to miss most is showering with 23 guys.' And that's what it's all about: camaraderie." — Rangers' goalie Mike Richter, about six months before announcing his retirement.

  • "Is that a beard, or is Niedermayer eating a muskrat?" — CBC’s Harry Neale (or Bob Cole; I tend to confuse them) commenting on Rob Niedermayer’s facial hair.

  • "I deserved most of what I got because I was an instigator but I loved every minute…I’d have guys say, ‘You’re good enough, why are you always yapping?’ But my game was being irritable. The booing, the hating, the nastiness, you get used to it." — Claude Lemieux is widely remembered as one of the most annoying hockey players who ever lived.