The Trade Deadline: A Prediction

Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sport

Predicting Marc Bergevin's trade deadline: CHaracter.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines character as a drawing in a newspaper or magazine intended as a humorous comment on something.

You laughed.

You ALL laughed.

While Marc Bergevin’s character-first mantra might be laughable, like it or not that factor seems to be a prime requisite for the players the Canadiens’ GM is going to acquire.

The proof is in the pudding.

George Parros? Charitable, humorous, willing to play like crap so that his teammates can look good by comparison.

Francis Bouillon? Would go through a wall for his teammates especially if he is being shoved through said wall by a bigger and stronger opponent.

Dale Weise? His name means "One with great character" in Sioux.

Daniel Briere? HILARIOUSLY short with a weird face and a catch phrase whenever he does something positive.

So with that irrefutable and bulletproof evidence laid out I have no problem predicting the upcoming trade deadline for the Montreal Canadiens. ("Oh, that’s his point" -You)

It’s not set in stone that Marc Bergevin will make a move but it is set in stone that the players he will try to acquire will be chock full of fiber and protein, which are essential for a balanced breakfast.

Player to trade: Lars Eller

Reason for trading: An Albino-like skin pigmentation that makes Bergevin uncomfortable. From somewhere weird.

Player to acquire: Mike Fisher

Reason for acquiring: Seriously characteristic chin.

Star-divide

Player to trade: Nathan Beaulieu

Reason for trading: Lawsuit involving some off-ice horseplay that may or may not have involved himself pulling a "Rambo" on the town of Strathroy, Ontario.

Player to acquire: Ryan Callahan.

Reason for acquiring: Marc Bergevin’s definition of character personified.

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Player to trade: Louis Leblanc

Reason for trading: College dropout.

Player to acquire: Marco Scandella

Reason for acquiring: He’ll tell you that it’s because he’s a young, mobile defenseman with size but it’s actually because he’s Sergio Momesso’s nephew.

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Player to trade: Rene Bourque,

Reason for trading: Upon conversing with him for the first time Bergevin realized that Bourque wasn’t French Canadian.

Player to acquire: Zdeno CHARActer

Reason for acquiring: Tall.

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Player to trade: Carey Price

Reason for trading: Not as good as Halak, will never be as good as Halak, doesn’t perform well under pressure, can never win in the NHL according this cool new site HF boards.

Player to acquire: Marc Andre Fleury

Reason for acquiring: Most wins in the NHL, 99.9% sure he’s French Canadian

Star-divide

Player to trade: 6 Million Dollars in cap space

Reason for trading: Because he’s worth it.

Player to acquire: An unretired Marc Bergevin

Reason for acquiring: "When we had him before, he was such a good influence with young kids, and he's such a good character guy," former Penguins GM Craig Patrick on Bergevin in 2003.

So there you have it, the unequivocal Marc Bergevin team. If he has his way (and he will because he’s such a charmer) then these will be the Canadiens players that you’ll be supporting for years and years and years and years and years and years.

Go Habs Go!

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