Your NHL season checklist

Spritely Brendan Gallagher will guide you through the rough times. - Richard Wolowicz

The NHL season has finally begun, unfortunately with a loss. However even though we're a day late, we have a nice checklist for you to fill out so you can make sure you're prepared for the upcoming season.

You will need:
  • 25 panic buttons. Make sure you get a good warranty.
  • Ear plugs, in case you ever encounter an Ottawa Senators fan.
  • Tin foil hats, if you belong to any fan base. Yes, I said any fan base.
  • At least one fantasy hockey team, so you can think about it while your friend drones on about his or her fantasy hockey team.
  • To make sure your Dark Mark is functional (Bruins and Leafs fans only).
  • A GPS, for hockey road trips.
  • A plan to go on hockey road trips, if you don't have one yet.
  • P.K. Subban on your team (oh, sorry, not enough to go around).
  • A P.K. Subban jersey, because you all want him on your team, don't lie.
  • Playoff tickets, if you are a Detroit Red Wings fan.
  • A Mute button the rest of us can press, if you are a Detroit Red Wings fan.
  • A Go Away button the rest of us can press, if you are a Pittsburgh Penguins fan.
  • Some new things to complain about, certain members of the hockey media.
  • Bubble wrap, if you are Claude Giroux.
  • A new team, if you are a Buffalo Sabres fan.
  • An opinion on fighting in the NHL, because there aren't enough of those.
  • EOTP's season previews, if you are a Habs fan.
  • EOTP's Fancy Stat Summer School, if you're new to stats and need a primer.
  • A Nintendo DS or maybe a Sudoku book, if you plan on going to (or from) the Canadian Tire Centre at any point this year.
  • Or if you plan to watch any games in Florida, Nashville, Phoenix, or New Jersey.
  • Sedatives, if you are a Vancouver Canucks fan.
  • Sedatives, if you've ever met a Vancouver Canucks fan.
  • Some new bad jokes about bad officiating.
  • Maybe another 10 panic buttons.
  • A goodbye note and maybe some headache medicine for the people you live with. You'll see them in June.


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