I hope this is less offensive than the ridiculous New York Rangers "guide" to women watching hockey.
- All guides to watching hockey are incredibly condescending, except this one.
- Regression is like gravity or thermodynamics, it does not exist.
- Counting things is inherently evil.
- A 20 year-old left-winger who scored at a 36 goal and 71 point rate is a second-line bust. Giving $98 million to a 27 year-old left-winger who scored at a 31 goal and 69 point rate is brilliant.
- NHL hockey causes the local economy to grow at an infinite rate. Conversely, the lockout meant the economies of NHL cities experienced the worst economic downturn in human history.
- Concussions are best treated with homeopathy and rebalancing of the player’s humors.
- You contend by losing intentionally. Then BAM! Stanley Cup.
- Character and dressing-room culture are more important than ability, performance, and driving play.
- Teams score a lot of goals while fights are going on which explains why they are a key to winning.
- Eastern European players who keep to themselves and don’t speak much with the media are enigmatic and won’t care come playoff time.
- Any player with a sense of personality and exuberance is selfish and doesn't play the game the right way.
- All hockey players are boring.
- A coach whose most notable achievements is putting his team down 2-men because of a bench minor and wearing an awful mustard-coloured suit can make charity-working #1 defensemen better people.
- Goals and points are the only way to measure a defenseman’s contribution to his team.
- This guide would have been tolerable had it been a slideshow with pictures.