Since he hasn't signed yet - Career alternatives for P.K. Subban

Eric Bolte-US PRESSWIRE

So the Canadiens' negotiations with P.K. Subban are not going well, it appears. (Not going at all, it appears.) Habs fans are understandably getting quite nervous, especially as it's becoming clear he's likely not going to be in the lineup against Toronto tomorrow night. It's getting to a point where some fans are hoping Subban gets an offer sheet from another team and signs it, just so the Habs have no choice but to give him what he wants.

But no Canadiens fan wants to see Subban dress in any other team's colours, and I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking it would be better if he just quit hockey rather than ever play against Montreal. With that in mind, I've been thinking of some ideas for what Subban could do outside of hockey. We already know he'd have a bright future in hockey broadcasting, but not so much as a Boston Pizza employee. What else would P.K. Subban be good as?

  • A life coach. Think about how awesome your life would be if P.K. Subban were coaching it.
  • That guy from Thank You For Smoking. Subban is probably better than that guy at what he does best.
  • The fucking president of anything he wants.
  • A better Oprah. "Seriously, cut the bullshit, Lance, your answers suck."
  • A style critic. "Are you kidding me with what you're wearing, Avery? Bermuda shorts as part of a suit?"
  • For that matter, a fashion model. The man makes everything look good.
  • A snake oil salesman. I would buy a Yankees cap if P.K. were selling it to me.
  • A lawyer. Because duh why didn't I think of this before that first bullet point even?
  • Guy Fieri's job, because fuck, that guy is annoying and P.K. is far more deserving of a career spent travelling to fun cities and eating cool stuff.
  • A stuntman, because he seems like the kind of guy would live for the rush.
  • The host of every show on television.
  • An accountant or an IT guy. LOLNO.
  • A high school teacher. No shit would get past him.
  • A personal trainer. The kind that annoys you so much you burn most of your calories from seething.
  • A professional athlete. Oh...

Bah. I miss him. Sign soon, Subban.

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